When Flora had left, Richard got out of bed and roamed around the bedsit – picking up a jumper to breathe in the smell of her, opening the fridge and sticking a finger in the cream of the collapsed victoria sponge. He hadn’t been there on his own before and although it made him feel trusted, closer to this abstruse girl, the place was hollow without her.
From a wall cabinet Richard picked out a tiny dusty pinecone, and then a miniature trophy for a school art competition, and then a child’s drawing of the sun. “For Mummy” he read, and Richard wondered about Flora’s family – the ones she never talked about; the ones she had rushed off to when the call came.
***
This is part of the Friday Fictioneers writing group – where writers from all over the world write about 100 words using a photo as inspiration. This week Rochelle Wisoff-Fields has chosen one of her own photographs. Happy birthday Rochelle! Lots of other writers have written very short stories inspired by this photograph; click here to read other people’s and to join in. And please comment below with any suggestions for improvement on my story.
Claire Fuller 
Dear Claire,
Always nice to see you among the Friday Fictioneers Fold. You left me wondering and wanting to know more. And I mean this in a good way. You set the stage and the tone quite well and still managed to layer in a back-story. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle, and happy birthday!
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Dear Claire,
Flora is a mystery, as is the reason for the call, but despite and perhaps because of this, we are drawn in and left to wonder, along with Richard about his new girl. A layered and nuanced tale.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Doug, that’s what I was hoping to achieve.
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Superb setting, and a tale woven into it. If it can be broken into two paragraphs always think such a short story can have a better ‘feel’.
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A good point, but that’s more to do with the limited format of my WordPress template. It is two paragraphs, but I can’t indent the second. I could put a line space in, but then they look too far apart.
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Yes, very true…I agree. I often use my Weebly site because there I can format exactly how I want very easily, probably will more and more in challenges. http://www.weebly.com/
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Shift + Enter can sometimes get the line spacing right when WordPress leaves a too-large gap between paragraphs. 🙂 Hope you don’t mind me butting in! 😉
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Not at all. I shall try that. Thanks!
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I love great tales and this is unquestionably one of such. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks Charles, glad you enjoyed it. Claire
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I love the attention to detail within this story, you don’t often get that in flash fiction.
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I think you have to go for either that or story. Pleased you think this one worked.
Claire
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Brain wants to read more, so much yet so little…mysterious and intriguing. Splendid job.
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Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
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A great take on the prompt, and beautifully written as always.
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Thanks Sandra.
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There’s something oddly voyeuristic about this — Richard suddenly alone in this woman’s house, poking around through her stuff. Curiosity killed that cat, darling — I do hope Richard doesn’t find anything he doesn’t like.
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ooh, I like that idea. That might the start of something bigger…
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I like the way you made Flora the center of attention by her absence and the items you chose to reveal her character to us were well chosen. 😀
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It’s quite useful to see a character through their possessions and someone else’s eyes. Thanks for your comments.
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Yes! That’s a really good technique for developing character isn’t it? I’ll have to remember that. 😀
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Me too – it was completely by accident!
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So much story behind the lines… I made a lot of own stories about Flora … great take.
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Thanks Bjorn
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This was a neat way to learn about a character, as another character explores her things.
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I think I might have him do it some more. Thanks for reading.
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A lovely little window on their lives, it felt like a tiny peak at something much larger. Nicely done. 🙂
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Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
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lot’s of great stories are coming from those items. Stories that really aren’t that far from real life – like yours so easily imagined for the true possibilities
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Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Ah the mysterious loved one that captured his heart.
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You’re right there.
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Sweet story and very true. There is so much of each of us that our partners will never know or understand, even with all the clues in the cubby holes.
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We’re all a mystery to each other.
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A great flash that leaves the reader with many questions.
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Thanks, that’s what I was hoping.
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Layers of mystery and unanswered questions, and I have a feeling Richard has much to learn about his Flora. Nicely done. 🙂
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Thanks Joanna. I think he may be in for some surprises.
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Hi Claire, i like this take. The mystery of the bed sit, we want to know more, why all the secrecy? Great work.
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Hi, glad it piqued your interest.
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Piqued it did.
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So much detail in this and much more for the reader to wonder about. Well done, I enjoyed reading.
Dee
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Lots of unanswered questions here. It’s 100 words that sparks a mystery.
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Hmm, that’s quite a mystery. Seems like a great premise for a novel.
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