‘They questioned everyone who had been by the river that day,’ said Hedda. ‘All the picnickers, the dog walkers. It was hours too late by then, of course. But people remembered her; she was very striking, my mother.’
‘And?’ said Richard.
‘No one saw where she went. One moment she was there, the next gone.’ Hedda shrugged, resigned, no longer tormented.
‘Really, nothing?’
‘Well, perhaps one thing. When the morning mist cleared, Dad went back to the river and waded to the far bank. He found footprints, in the mud. Right size.’
Richard raised his eyebrows.
‘The toes pointed away from the water.’
*
For those who don’t know how Friday Fictioneers works, this picture (this time supplied by Erin Leary) is our inspiration for our weekly online writing group hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Each story is only about 100 words long, so why not read a few others: click here to read some more or to join in.
And please comment below with any suggestions on mine, or just to show you’ve visited.
Good dialogue and story here, Claire! I’d love to know more about the mystery, too!
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Thanks. So would I!
Claire
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Come check out mine, if you have time.
http://wmqcolby.wordpress.com/2014/05/21/an-adult-education/comment-page-1/#comment-1509
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Dear Claire,
Your story reminded me of the Springsteen song, Hungry Heart. I don’t know where Hedda’s mother went, but I know why she left. An excellent rendering of two women, one gone and one wondering.
Congratulations on the publication of your novel, Claire. Those are the words every author wants to hear. I will be purchasing a copy (more words a writer wants to hear) and look forward to reading it.
Aloha,
Doug
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Such a long time since I’ve heard that song. I’ve just been to listen to it again, and you’re so right about the mother. She went without a thought.
And thank you for the comments about my book. I shall be very interested to hear what you (especially) have to say about it.
Claire
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Impeccably set up story and very clever ending – really nicely done
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Thanks, glad you liked it.
Claire
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Strange and mysterious — and your writing, as always, is a pleasure to read.
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Not too open ended for you ducky 🙂
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Not this time. I’m fickle, darling.
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Are you not usually a fan of open ended stories Helena? If that’s the case, I’m glad you made an exception with mine.
Claire
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It depends — in my opinion, for an open-ended story to work, the writer has to give sufficient detail for the reader to chew on and speculate about. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
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I know I’ve said this before, Claire, but one of the things I like most about your writing is that it’s never frenzied or over-the-top, no matter the subject matter. Your little mystery is just slipped in and we’re left to ponder the whys and wherefores and implications of it. I look forward to your book.
janet
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Don’t worry about saying it again Janet; you know us writers – we always love to hear it! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
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I love the understated eloquence of your writing. Good one.
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Thanks Sandra, for reading and commenting.
Claire
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I suspect Rex might be behind it all.
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Hah! I think you’re right. He is ‘Dad’ in this piece.
Claire
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Ah.. I think that there is a lot of nice open ends here.. I find that most intriguing..and yes there is some hope somewhere
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Exactly. It might not have been her, or she might be back. Thanks for your comments Bjorn.
Claire
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Quite a mystery here. I wonder if she was “unhappy at home” and just decided to leave, or if something darker occurred?
I loved the dialogue in this.
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I’m not too sure. They’re all characters in my second book, so hopefully I’ll find out some time!
Claire
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I love how Hedda speaks so casually of her mother’s disappearance. One of the most awkward things about having been through loss is how, eventually, one can speak unemotionally of life-altering events (as others gasp and offer condolences you no longer need). You’ve captured this well in Hedda’s attitude. Good job!
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That’s a really good point that I didn’t think about, but I’m pleased it just seems to have come through.
Claire
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Mysterious especially with her feet pointed away from the water.
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Thanks!
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Claire, Congratulations on your book! I’m going to have to get a Kindle. Good, well-written story as usual. It sounds as though she planned ahead. Well done. 🙂 —Susan
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Thanks Susan. I take it from your website that you’re in India? Our Endless Numbered Days hasn’t been sold in India, but there is talk of it being an audio book, so that’s always an option… Glad you liked my story.
Claire
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I am trying to find something to be nitpicky about in your story, but I can’t. It’s very good.
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Ah, that’s a good sign. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
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Each week your stories draw me in further, Claire. They all have an incredible mood to them, atmosphere… this one really paints a scene, and pulls me in. The idea that she just left… hmm. I love that.
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Thank you! I’m glad you liked it.
Claire
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Really strong dialogue with Richard drawing her out with the minimum of words. Five stars, I think.
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Thanks Patrick. I’m glad it worked for you.
Claire
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Nicely done – leaves me wanting more, but also happy to make up the next bit myself in my head. Fabulous.
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I think it’s always better to leave a bit for the reader to make up themselves.
Thanks,
Claire
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The toes pointed away from the water — no longer tormented. These two thoughts make the story because they fit in more than one place. Well done.
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Thanks Alicia. I think it’s always good to try and sneak in a little back-story, even if it’s just a couple of words.
Claire
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Mysterious story or a straight forward explanation that she just walked away. Leaves us creating further stories in our head 🙂
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Nice little mystery story here. Leaves us wondering in a good way, where she was going. Was she escaping from a bad marriage? Was she simply mad? Was she lured by demons? Was she lured by greed? Lust? Adventure?
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Mysterious, obscured a little, just like this mist…nicely done!
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This is a spider’s web story, with every thread leading round to another, and eventually one or more leading out to another story. I am glad to hear these are characters in your next novel as I want to know how Hedda has resigned herself, if anyone else saw the prints leading away etc. The picture really appeals to me, too.
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Dear Claire: Very well written and a good mystery! Footprints leading away from the water is a positive clue. Great job! Nan 🙂
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I love the mystery here, and that perfect ending of the footprints across the river pointing away from the water
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