Naked, she crouches in the dark, watching the two men drinking and laughing beside the camp fire. Even in the poor light she recognises her towel, slung around one of the men’s shoulders. Her bag and its contents are spread at his feet.
Behind the marram grass, she growls.
‘Did you hear that?’ says the towel-man, standing.
She jumps forward, grabs at a burning stick, jabs it at towel-man, who howls as fire meets flesh. Brandishing the flaming torch, she scoops her belongings together, and is gone.
It isn’t until morning that she feels the pain on her own skin.
*
This is a 100-word piece of flash fiction based on the picture prompt above. It’s part of the Friday Fictioners group run by Rochelle Wisoff-Field (who also supplied the photo this week). Rochelle dedicates a great deal of her time each week to uploading, visiting and commenting. To join in with your own story, visit Rochelle’s website here, or to read some of the other stories based on this prompt click here.
*
And a quick reminder that I had one of my short stories broadcast on BBC Radio 4 last week after winning a competition. It’s available to listen on iplayer, although I don’t know if it works in all locations around the world, and it’s only available for one more day. If it doesn’t work for you, it’s available to read online here. If you do get to listen or read, do let me know what you think!
I enjoy your flash fiction, Claire, and would love to Tweet them but can’t find a button. Perhaps you’ve decided against that.
LikeLike
Ah, thanks for pointing that out Susan. I hadn’t noticed that my sharing buttons had disappeared! Now rectified. Thanks,
Claire
LikeLike
Ooh, sweet revenge, and damn the consequences. She’s much braver than I would be; I liked the feeling of a tigress stalking its prey and yet the clarity that this is a woman.
LikeLike
I enjoyed that contrast as well, Claire. A bit serendipitous, as I just finished “Destroyer Angel” by Nevada Barr about a hostage situation in a primitive location with a similar feel.
janet
LikeLike
I don’t know that. Was it good? Would you recommend it?
LikeLike
It was one of those stories that makes you cringe a bit because you know that no matter how it ends, there’s pain and suffering and people pushed to the limit. Yes, I’d recommend it but not when you want something light and fluffy. 🙂 It’s a survivor story.
LikeLike
I hadn’t seen her like that – as a tigress – until you pointed it out, but you’re right. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
LikeLike
I LOVE it! I could see it all there. The character had survival on her mind and instinct took over. Bravo!
You think the BBC would take American writings for the contest? 😉
LikeLike
Thanks, glad you liked it.
I think they take entries from anywhere in the world. There’s a submission window of about a month starting in January. More information here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/opportunities/opening-lines
Good luck!
LikeLike
Thanks, Claire! I’ll consider that.
LikeLike
Just listened to your story, Claire, instead of my usual “just read because I can read faster.” Loved it and the reading was excellent. Congratulations!!
janet
LikeLike
Thanks Janet. Really flattered that you took the time to listen and you liked it.
The competition runs every year, if you’re interested: http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/opportunities/opening-lines
Claire
LikeLike
What survival drives us to do. Beautifully etched! And congrats on the short story telecast 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.
Claire
LikeLike
Claire, very compelling and vivid! Loved this one… but then, I love most of your stories. Started listening to your BBC story, but have to run. REALLY good, and what a thrill!! Congratulations again, for this incredible honor.
LikeLike
Thanks for the comments and for listening to my story (or at least the beginning!). It’s been a very exciting couple of months.
Claire
LikeLike
I’m so excited for you, Claire! You must be floating… !
LikeLike
What I love the most is that we do not know the reason she is laying there naked..but her bravado is excellent.. and damn the consequences.
LikeLike
I like that too. Sometimes you can leave the back-story up to the reader!
Claire
LikeLike
And I loved the reading.. so happy I could get by to hear them.. but I could not help crying a little from the story… Congratulations.
LikeLike
Aww, thanks Bjorn. That’s really sweet. Thanks for taking the time to listen.
Claire
LikeLike
Dear Claire,
Glad she got her things back. Delicious descriptions and sweet revenge. No doubt with the adrenalin rush she wouldn’t feel her own pain until later. 😉
Also, I just finished listening to your award winning story. Congratulations, the recognition is well deserved.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Thanks Rochelle. And thanks for taking the time to listen to my story – I really appreciate it. They run the competition every year, in case you’re interested… http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/opportunities/opening-lines
Claire
LikeLike
Post-apocalypse survival tale. Wasn’t Baker going to do that to Emily anyway? A live clucking chicken would’ve been a sure give away. Loss of innocence more than once in one childhood – oy! Well done, it’s a deserved win.
LikeLike
I think he probably was, but he didn’t tell the narrator that, so it never even crossed her mind.
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it.
LikeLike
You convey the action well, how it unfolded in only seconds. No wonder the BBC picked your work up.
LikeLike
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it.
Claire
LikeLike
A great tale of revenge, against the odds.
I read and listened to your story, it is quite understandable why the BBC picked this up. Many congratulations Claire, look forward to reading more of your work.
Best wishes
Dee
LikeLike
Thanks Dee, for taking the time to have a listen and letting me know what you thought – really appreciated.
Claire
LikeLike
PS – I love your header photograph, just wanted to let you know 🙂
LikeLike
I took that in the woods near Yosemite last year, when I was in California on my honeymoon. It was a little bit creepy. My novel features a cabin, so it seemed apt.
Claire
LikeLike
Congratulations, Claire!
And i love that this story’s filled with so much action and such vivid descriptions. what a brave woman.
LikeLike
Thanks KZ. Glad you liked it.
Claire
LikeLike
i liked the way the story unfolded and ended. it was quite a feat to be able to do it in 100 words.
LikeLike
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
LikeLike
Hi Claire, good suspense! Poor girl, I could imagine what had happened before and made sad, but she is strong. What happened with e 2nd man? how did she scape from him?
LikeLike
I just didn’t have the space to write about the second man, so I’ll have to leave it to your imagination!
Claire
LikeLike
This would fit perfectly in The Hunger Games. It’s got that kind of desperation to it.
LikeLike
Thanks! I haven’t read The Hunger Games, but I know how popular that is, so thanks for the compliment.
Claire
LikeLike
A great piece, because it leaves the reader wondering what he or she would do in the same situation; would cold, anger or fear win. Years ago, in all innocence, I knocked on the pane of a public phone box because I’d left my handbag inside. The very large guy inside opened the door, gave me my bag, then, as I thanked him and started to leave, he called out, ‘Aw, hang on,’ and took from various pockets the contents of my bag. I thanked him (probably profusely) and went on my way. I was in a public place in daylight – but you never know.
LikeLike
I love this little anecdote. I might have to steal it for a story…
LikeLike
Enjoy your leaving the back story up to the reader. Many scenarios can be popped into the story. Lovely.
LikeLike
Thanks Alicia. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
LikeLike
Very vividly painted and the imagined story regarding her origin gives it an extra edge. Read your story on the BBC site and absolutely loved it. The story and the way it was written just blew me away.
LikeLike
Thanks so much, for taking the time to go and read it, and for letting me know what you thought. I’m really pleased you liked it.
Claire
LikeLike
I just finished reading your story, Emily, Baker and Me. Such a well written story and so sad.
Ellespeth
LikeLike
Thanks Ellspeth. Poor Emily!
Claire
LikeLike
Claire, Good, well-written story with great tension. I was also glad she got her things back. I don’t have an Iplayer to hear your story, so I’ll go to the link and read it. Well done. 🙂 —Susan
LikeLike
Claire, I just finished reading your story, and it was excellent. I can also see why it was chosen. —Susan
LikeLike
Thanks Susan, for taking the time to read both the FF story and my BBC one. I really appreciate and glad you liked them both.
Claire
LikeLike
The pain in her hand will be nothing compared to the pain of realisation, once shock disappears. Really good read, punchy and truthful. Nice one!
LikeLike
Exactly! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
LikeLike
I like how much was left open to interpretation in this story. For instance, when she growls I naturally began to picture some kind of wolf-woman creature and, even though nothing like this is alluded to elsewhere in the story, it’s surely rare for women per se to start growling out threats or for men some way off to be startled by the noise…
Also, I read your BBC story (congratulations btw!) and I thought you did a wonderful job of capturing the wide-eyed quality of the narrator – her wide-eyed enthusiasm about Emily and her wide-eyed fear. It made her character and situation genuinely fraught and believable – a really skilful write and a sad read 🙂
P.s. your sharing buttons seem to have gone awol again…
LikeLike
Thanks for your comments, and for reading my BBC story – I really appreciate it. I like stories without all the information. As a reader, I prefer to have to work a bit, including in this one, why the woman is naked.
(The sharing buttons are there, by the way, just above the ‘reblog’ button, next to the ‘like’ button. Not that obvious, that seems to be the theme.)
Claire
LikeLike
Wonderful story, Claire! I like that you have her growl. She’s like a wild animal. It’s all quite visual. I read your BBC story, and I absolutely loved it. It was so intense. I want to read more. I’m disappointed that I missed the reading. I tried, but it was too late. Congratulations on being published! It is well-deserved.
LikeLike
Great sense of the woman’s courage in this poem, underlined by the reminder that there was a price to pay in the following days suffering
LikeLike