The early morning light filters through the empty bottles and stains my nightdress blue, green and red as I lean over the back of a kitchen chair, waiting, breathing. It had been quite some party. I remembered Rex, drunk on happiness, breaking his promise to me, and telling our guests to mark their diaries for seven months when they would be returning for a christening.
So many glasses raised, so many congratulations, so much love.
And now as another cramp grips me, I think about all the un-telling I will have to do, starting with Rex.
***
This is a 96-word piece of flash fiction based on the picture prompt above, this week provided by Marie Gail Stratford. It’s part of the Friday Fictioneers group run by Rochelle Wisoff-Field. Rochelle dedicates a great deal of her time each week to uploading, visiting and commenting on all our pieces of writing. To join in with your own story, visit Rochelle’s website here, or to read some of the other stories based on this prompt click here.
Dear Claire,
So much emotion in so few words. Elation at the news and heartbreak at the prospect of the “untelling.” Beautifully written as always.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. Glad you liked it.
Claire
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Dear Claire,
Can you hear my indrawn breath as I finish your story. ‘Oh, my God, this is so good’, is what went through my mind. You made me feel so many emotions, not the least of which is dismay and sadness that she is going to (seemingly) go through what is happening to her alone. That is what good writers do…draw you in and hammer you to the ground in pain and amazement. So good…
Aloha,
Doug
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Always pleased to hear that I’ve hammered you to the ground in pain and amazement Doug! Seriously, I’m really pleased you like it. That means a lot to me.
Claire
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I love these, Claire, always intriguing. I often wonder whether they develop into anything else.
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Very many of them are used as inspiration for scenes in the second novel I’m writing (and many early ones were used in Our Endless Numbered Days). That’s why you might see Rex, Flora and Ingrid appearing again and again. Sometimes I change the names – but they’re still the same people!
Claire
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Ah ha! Looking forward to reading Our Endless Numbered Days.
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I love this story, so powerful in it’s quiet voice.
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Thanks, glad you liked it.
Claire
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Brilliant. And the use of the word ‘untelling’ for what she will have to do for the next few weeks is so clever. Such a simple word yet infused with so much pain in this piece. Well done. And nice to see you here early too. 🙂 What’s up? Couldn’t sleep?
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Hah! I am early this week. But not because I couldn’t sleep, but because I recently left my job of 23 years to write full time! Scary, but exciting.
Claire
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Ah.. there are cases when you have have reached a point were returning is the most devastating.. the untelling is a great word (and yes I would love to invent word like that too…).. yes this was a painful read, but so good.
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Glad you liked it Bjorn, even it was painful.
Claire
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Claire, I agree that this was painful to read but excellent writing as always. I asked my daughter to check on some authors, and her boyfriend who writes supplied us with the following names: Jenny Offill-“Department of Speculation”; Jennifer Egan-“A Visit From the Goon Squad”; and Karen Russell-“Vampires in the Lemon Grove” (This last book consists of short stories.) I hope that helps you. 🙂 —Susan
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That’s so kind of you Susan. These are great suggestions. I’ve read Department of Speculation and loved it. Have you read it?
Claire
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Thanks Claire. I haven’t read many books lately. The libraries here are few and far between and I haven’t yet gotten to the bank to activate my card so that I can start using my new Kindle. I use a walker because of arthritis and sciatica, and we have to go up and down 42 steps from our flat to the ground floor. They never put a lift in this building. There’s a place for one, but the members of the Society didn’t want to pay for one.—Susan
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From joy to deep sadness in so short a time. I can’t imagine having to go through an un-telling such as this. Well done, Claire. (Have I told you my sister’s name is Clare? I love the name – warm and smart.)
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Thanks Alicia, glad you liked my story (and my name!)
Claire
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Great, well-crafted story. I love your use of the word “untelling”
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Thanks David, glad you enjoyed it. The word just appeared and seemed to fit. I love it when writing works like that.
Claire
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Claire, I too was amazed to see your story here so early, but it adds to the loveliness of my morning. A heart-breaker with a most apt title and word. Stellar.
janet
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Thanks Janet. Glad you liked it.
Claire
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Poignant ending, one I hadn’t anticipated. Well done.
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Thanks Kate, glad you liked it.
Claire
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Poor Rex. Can’t do right for doing wrong. He has my admiration, as always.
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Rex thanks you, as do I.
Claire
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This is a fantastic story from such a go-anywhere prompt, Claire. I’m in awe. You tell the tale with this fantastic voice that makes the emotion stronger without the writing being at all hyperbolic. Untelling is the best example of this voice, and such a fantastic description of what she’s going to have to go through.
My only criticism is the use of Christening to tell us it’s a birth we’re looking at – I don’t know if it’s different where you are, but most people I know don’t plan Christenings this far before baby’s born, so for a moment I wondered whether the cramps were labour pains (which I’m convinced they aren’t meant to be). Maybe baby shower would achieve the same end without the confusion?
But the emotion the story brings out – especially in anyone who’s experienced untelling – just brilliant
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I know what you mean about the christening. I did wonder about that, but I decided to keep it, because I think Rex doesn’t actually mean to really invite people to a christening – he’s just using that as a way of making the announcement, because how would he even know it would be seven months (christenings are often much after the baby is born). Baby shower would certainly work better in terms of timing, but in my head this is set in the 1970s and they wouldn’t have had them. However there’s no way a reader would know that!
I really appreciate the comment though – I love a bit of debate about the finer points of writing.
Thanks,
Claire
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I feel so sorry for Rex.
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Sad for them all.
Claire
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Oh, I do feel terribly for them both. How sad.
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Thanks. Glad it moved you.
Claire
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It’s beautiful, funny and very sad. Hope Rex can handle it and do the right thing. They’ve got the support!
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They certainly have – all those friends! Glad you liked it.
Claire
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Beautifully haunting in the “untelling”, in the pain. This was wonderuflly written unraveling in the writing. Wow!
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Thanks, really glad you liked it.
Claire
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Excellent concentrated story. I love the difficulty of un-telling.
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Thanks Hilary, for reading and commenting! Still looking forward to yours!
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from what i can deduce, this untelling doesn’t bid well for rex. i wonder what would be next. conscious uncoupling?
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Oh, I don’t think so. Probably more like trying for another baby!
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
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This Rex should have kept his mouth shut. But sometime the happiness is so much to keep inside.
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You’re right. I feel sorry for him because he was just too excited.
Claire
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sadly telling story…
glad you didn’t un-tell it. Randy
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Thanks Randy, glad you liked it.
Claire
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What a beautiful piece, telling so much in so few words. Well done! I’m sure there’s a lot of people out there who have felt what this character is feeling…
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I think sadly there are. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
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So, so sad. The hope of new life now gone.
Great story, Claire. Heartbreaking.
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Thanks, glad it moved you.
Claire
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Ouch. That hit the feels.
Exceptional use of 96 words.
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Thanks, glad you liked it.
Claire
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Well Penned. The ‘untelling’ I am afraid isn’t going to be easy or short and it isn’t like there’s a choice!
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No, sadly no going back now.
Thanks, Claire
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Untelling and unravelling of lives. Beautifully crafted as always Claire.
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Thanks, glad you liked it.
Claire
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This hit home as I’ve gone through the un-telling before. Well crafted story.
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Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Thanks for reading though, glad it rang true.
Claire
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I like Rex. He’s so bursting with happiness he can’t help but tell their secret, despite his promise. Poor people. I love how you’ve used the colours of the bottles as ‘stains’. Great imagery.
Marg
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Thanks. I really like Rex too. He’s one of the main characters in the novel I’m writing, so he does pop up now and again in my flash fiction.
Claire
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Such emotional contrast in such a tiny story – wonderful. That’s going to be a very hard few weeks and months.
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Yes, you’re right. Hard for both of them. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
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That was a beautiful, viscerally painful ending that was prefigured in the line where Rex broke his promise and told everyone about her news.
Such compelling and real storytelling! I was pulled right in.
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I feel the pain of untelling. You feel you’ve failed somehow even if you had no control over it.
Lily
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Ah this is truly a very real story…I was drawn in with the elation and hit smack in the face with the “untelling”…very well done!! Oliana
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