“It was about a month ago, I can’t be sure. Said she was going on a road-trip. Hitch-hiking Route 66. No, at the time it didn’t seem odd. Seventy you say? Wow. Her rucksack was real heavy. Now that I do remember… Well, let’s see, I suppose I must have picked it up. No, my wife wasn’t home. Sure, you can ask the neighbours, but I’m pretty confident they were at work. You want to take a look in my cellar? Go right ahead, just watch out for that second step, Officer; I’m gonna get it fixed one of these days.”
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This is a 100-ish flash fiction piece for Friday Fictioneers. Click here to read more stories inspired by the picture, or here to join in.
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This week I wrote a letter to my husband’s dead first wife: Dear Jane…
Claire Fuller 
Dear Claire,
This is positively wicked. And I mean that in the most complimentary sense of the word. It doesn’t bode well for the officer, does it? Well written as always. Love the voice.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. Wicked, I like. And I think the officer is definitely for the chop, or the slip, or the push.
Claire
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I think there’s more room in the basement… wonder how many he can fit under the concrete.. (or is my imagination running to wild?).
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If yours is, then mine is too. Quite a bit of room left down there, I think.
Claire
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Dear Claire,
And you tell me I left unanswered questions in my story. Hah! Your story is full of them.
You’ve illuminated everything around the edges and revealed the mystery with the deft touch of a masterful painter. Were I his wife, I’d be sure to remedy that soon and from long distance. Were I the policeman, I’d call for backup before venturing downstairs. Were I Betty, I’d say goodbye via telephone.
Perfect pacing and dialog (I can hear all the unspoken questions. Way to get a 175 word story in under the wire at 100) and a killer ending. Or so it would appear…
Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Doug. It is a bit like doing a sketch – you don’t need every line in there for the view (reader) to be able to fill in all the gaps.
Claire
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Poor guy. Loved the telling of the story by way of the ‘not telling’ of the story.
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It is funny how it’s so easy for the human mind to fill in those gaps and we all come to the same conclusion.
Claire
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Creepy guy, expertly brought to life.
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Thanks, AnElephant. Glad you liked him / it.
Claire
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Clarie, you’ve perfectly demonstrated the art of saying so much with so few words and inciting the imagination to run wild. So well done.
janet
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All of us FFs are guilty of wild imaginations. That’s what I like about us.
Claire
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Subtly and ironically crafted. That second step is going to be a killer I guess… Loved this.
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I guess. But don’t forget about ‘innocent until proven guilty’. I like how we all jump to that conclusion (me included), but maybe there is another explanation.
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Great frantic narrative voice – the one-sided conversation is sometimes difficult to master, but this worked very well. You’ve produced this week’s first dead body and yet you did it with such subtlety it was a delight.
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There’s probably a dead body down there, or maybe he did say goodbye and help her on with her rucksack, and maybe he does have a dodgy step.
Claire
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There’s actually no evidence that either Betty or the officer came to harm… That what makes it griping.
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Exactly. Thank you.
Claire
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I really like the voice you chose to tell a cryptic story with so many questions that we immediately manufacture answers. I am sooo jumping to conclusions! Yeah, it’s deliciously creepy.
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It does make you think about how quickly we jump to conclusions. Quite useful for story-telling – to lead your reader down the wrong path…
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Well, that’s a bit creepy. I assume he’s the one wot didit!
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But what if he didn’t? How does that reflect on us, the readers?
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Reminds me of the book, The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane. I like it, a lot.
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I don’t know that. I’ll have to go and look it up.
Claire
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I think you’ll like it.
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Rex’s Revenge. I knew he’s have the last laugh.
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He is a one, isn’t he?
Claire
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I smell thriller. My favorite.
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I think you could be right.
Claire
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Oh that second step is surely a tell-tale sign! 🙂 Great story!
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You’d think so, but are we all jumping to conclusions?
Claire
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I think it’s reading these kind of stories that makes me so paranoid about my neighours…
Well done, it’s a great story.
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Hah! You be careful, now.
Claire
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Oops – where’s that carpenter? Lovely story that the reader can “fill in” according to his/her liking.
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Yes, are we benefit of the doubt type people or not?
Claire
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I love the gradual reveal of the situation, Claire, as if the camera is slowly pulling back on the man talking. It leaves one wondering, which is how I like to have a story like this end. 🙂 Great dialogue.
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Thank you – that was really deliberate – to use the word ‘officer’ near the end for example.
Claire
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if i were the officer, i’d ask him to lead the way.
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A good idea!
Claire
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OMG…did he just hit that cop in the back of the head? Cause i saw it!
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Hey everyone! We have a witness! 🙂
Claire
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He’s so smooth! I think he’s done this before. Great feel and tone to this – and I love all the little details of the missing woman. Fantastic.
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Thanks Margaret. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
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The basement isn’t the only thing that’s dark, but your story was a de-light. 🙂
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Clever!
Claire
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I hope the officer told someone where he was going, though I don’t suppose it will help him right now 😦
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I’m sure it isn’t standard procedure to go down into a cellar on your own. He’s only got himself to blame.
Claire
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Very clever. You left so much for imagination but why the first thing that comes to mind is suspicion?
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Yes, it’s interesting. What does it say about us readers?
Claire
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That sounded very menacing in a wonderfully oblique way.
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Thanks Liz.
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Very cleverly done Claire. It is always great to be able to fill in the gaps, funny how we almost always got for the worst possible scenario.
I do love reading your work and am eagerly awaiting your novel.
Best wishes
Dee
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Thanks, Dee. That’s human nature I suppose. Thanks for reading.
Claire
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Very scary. I’m not buying that the officer was that stupid, I think he’ll ask him to go down first…
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Ah yes, good idea. Sounds like you wouldn’t be fooled Hilary.
Claire
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Oh Claire, this singular narration is a wicked story indeed. My imagination is traveling in all sorts of directions. Great story telling!
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It’s funny how our imaginations tend to do that!
Claire
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And the game is afoot! Sounds like a case for Sherlock–he’d get to the bottom of it! It is interesting to see a story doesn’t need every detail spelled out, it allows the reader to piece it together. Nicely done!
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And it’s interesting what we fill the gaps in with! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
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I’m guessing he won’t be getting that second step fixed any time soon! Well told, I love your main character but will be keeping a safe distance from him 😉
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I think there might be quite a pile of bodies at the bottom of those steps before the year is out.
Claire
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I wouldn’t drink any wine from this cellar. Spooky-wonderful, Claire.
Ellespeth
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Me neither. Thank you!
Claire
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Pingback: In the Media: 11th January 2015 | The Writes of Woman
I agree, Claire, that the officer made a “big” mistake going there without backup. I also think his wife is probably in denial, and it may cost her her life. Well done as always. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Wonderfully wicked, I enjoyed it so much.
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Wow Claire! This is written so well! I can see the creepy house – I made an image in my mind of the creepy guy who lives here and yuck – he is suspicious! Your story is excellent and I have been in a house with a creepy owner (acted like I was on the phone to make a hasty exit). Wow!
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Loved it. Nothing overt, but just a little too ready with excuses and answers… the last line was a killer.
Nicely done.
KT
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