In books there’s always the drunk one. And the hesitant one. And the sober, sensible one – the person warning about the lake’s depth, the submerged dangers and the weeds to get tangled in. I should have been that person when we went down to the water in the dark, but instead we three were all the first kind. Giggling, we pulled off our clothes, plunged in, screaming at the cold.
A full five minutes of laughing and splashing went by before we missed him.
‘Peter!’ We tread water. ‘Stop messing around!’
In the blink of an eye we became the third person.
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Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting this weekly 100-word Friday Fictioneers writing event. Join in. Read other people’s. The picture this week is supplied by Erin Leary.
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Another competition to win BOOKS. But this time not only Our Endless Numbered Days, but also books by Kazuo Ishiguro, Yann Martel, Kate Atkinson, Danielle McLaughlin, Julian Barnes and others. Click to enter.
Claire Fuller 
Dear Claire,
Stunning piece. I felt the cold and the horror when they realized their friend had drowned. So well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a lovely thing to say. Thanks so much Rochelle.
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Another fab piece & great interpretation of the prompt picture… love the literary links. Only thing that jarred for me was ‘we shouted’ because the exclamation mark already indicated that… but that’s real nit-picking😶
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Thanks Poppy. Never apologise for nit-picking; nit-picking is good. And I agree with you. But I want to say ‘we something’ – I like that this last bit is in first person plural (playing on the title, and the start), but it seems odd to have ‘we said’ after ‘Peter’ with the exclamation mark. Not sure how to get round it.
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How about an action… ie we tread water or something that shows they’ve stopped the horseplay? Love how these exercises in flash fiction really hone editing skills….
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Yes! I’m going to use that. Adds one more word, which I shouldn’t really do, but so what…
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Oh! Feel quite chuffed, encouraged… fledgling writer/editor dreams😊
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Fear has the way of sobering you up quickly. Plenty of time to be drunk later, after the guilt sets in. Well done.
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Absolutely. And thank you!
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What a hauntingly beautiful piece. I became the third person with the others. Thank you, Claire, for such powerful inspiration.
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Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it.
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What a story! The subject is all too common, but the way you laid it out left me breathless. Great piece, Claire.
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It’s a dangerous thing to do: drink and swim. Glad you liked the story.
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Magnificent! A scene that must get played out many times, not just in or by the water. How lives change in a matter of seconds. Well done.
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Thanks, Sandra. So pleased you liked it.
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Brilliant story.
Loved it.
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Thank you!
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Ooh, loved this one. Had a very haunting feel. Made me think of something in Victorian times.
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That’s interesting. Thanks, Paul.
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I like the play on “characters”. We all know them or have been them and have felt the triumphs and regrets.
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Absolutely. Thanks Alicia
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Beautifully written. Love the technique of introducing the three types and how you use it later.
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Thanks, Joy. Glad you liked it.
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So well done and this happened to a friend of mine. The horror of realising one of them was missing… you described it so well!
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Oh, how awful. But glad the story worked for you.
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If only we could blink and be sensible, but then again …
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Hmm… thanks Michael
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I immediately got that sinking feeling.
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Ta dah! 🙂 Thanks Dawn
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Fantastic. Again. You captured the moment breathtakingly. The change of mood and the tragic ending are gut-wrenching.
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Thanks Margaret. Glad it struck a chord.
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Wonderful, as your stories so often are – you always manage to drop the reader in the middle of a situation that feels real. Devastating last line, too; so well written.
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Thank you!
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You always grab me by the throat with your stories… the characterization is really spot on.. also a reminder that reality is not like books… Afterwards is always too late..
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Bjorn, you’re so right. But doesn’t it play with your mind that it’s a story that’s reminded of you that, and you’ve written it down. A bit too Meta for me.
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I really like the edit, haven’t read the story before, but get it from the comments.
This is such a common situation, tragedy waiting to happen. Sometimes I wonder how so many of us made it past our ‘Sturm und Drang’ years. It’s a very powerful scene, I especially like the introduction that drew me in right away.
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Thank you. Yes, we could so easily just not be here.
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Wow! What a punch the last line delivers. Felt like I was punched in the chest. Beautiful!
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Hah! I’ll take that as a compliment!
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Siblings or friends – either way, they’ll never be the same. Great story.
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You’re right. Thanks for reading.
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Great narration. It builds the tension slowly.
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Thank you. Glad you liked it.
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What happened to Peter? This reminds of a similar question I had some months ago: Did Jon Snow die?
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I’m not sure. And I had to go and look up who Jon Snow is/ was. I’m not a Game of Thrones fan.
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Oh wow, I absolutely love this. That first line was such a creative way to start the story.
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Thanks. So glad you liked it.
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Oh, egads, that was something else.
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Thank you. (I think!)
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Claire, what a great meta framework to base the story around. I could feel the creeping tension as it progressed.
-David
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Thanks, David. Glad it got you.
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You caught me, Brilliant piece of work!
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Thank you! It’s odd how some FF seem to capture attention. I usually have no idea which ones will when I post them.
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This is clever Claire. Strangely, I am using the concept of the clever one, naughty one, rich one, etc in my new novel. With the one adjective most readers understand.
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It’s a simple concept. Glad you liked the story.
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I love the way you told this story! So effective. It has this quality of distance and objectivity and then, bam, it hits you. Chilling.
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Thank you Amy.
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Wonderfully fun…until that moment they missed Peter. Excellent as always. I did think the “they shouted” after the “!” worked, simply because it reinforced their panic.
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Thanks Samantha. I think exclamation marks have to be used wisely – not only sparingly but being careful about the other words around them. I’m not sure ‘shouted’ was needed as well
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Super intense reality check for all left behind. I liked the build-up from carefree
youth to super shocked back to reality. GREAT story …. Love it !!!!
Isadora 😎
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Thanks so much Isadora
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Oh how quickly the world drops back to reality.
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Absolutely. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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A chilling turn of events – well told tale, as always.
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Thanks, Erin. Glad you liked it.
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