I ran. Beside the stable-block I found the old privy. Ceiling slung with cobwebs and a stink of stagnant water, still I squeezed in there, behind the open door, holding my breath, worrying she would hear my heart pumping, the thump of blood in my ears. A movement of shade and brightness across the crack in the door, that’s all she was. The crunch of her shoes on the debris scattered across the stable yard. My hand over my own mouth.
And then the sun found her knife, flicked a bead of light across the privy’s dark interior, and reflected back my staring eye.
***
This is a 100-word or so Friday Fictioneers story. Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Anyone can join in by writing a 100-word story inspired by the picture above (this week supplied by Ted Strutz), or just come and read some pieces other writers have written.
***
Absolutely delighted that my novel, Our Endless Numbered Days is a finalist in the ABA (American Booksellers Association) Book of Year Awards.
Claire Fuller 
Oh! Now that was gripping! What a line – the tension building so perfectly – “And then the sun found her knife, flicked a bead of light across the privy’s dark interior, and reflected back my staring eye.”
Superb flash! It leaves, of course, the reader wondering, what happened, why the pursuit, is this a game, and of course, what happens next?
And yes, I’m curious. But as a flash – wow, this is an incredible “stands alone.” Well done 🙂
LikeLike
Ahh, thank you! I have no idea what happens next, but I think the two of them might be characters from my next novel. I only just ‘discovered’ the privy as I was writing it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
great write and reading …. and well, sometimes the unknown, even in our minds, is okay …. I’m sure “they” will or will not do what is needed 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is amazing what falls from our brains when we’re not paying attention. I ‘discovered’ Cowperthwaite’s meaning today. Great suspense, and a great nugget to fit into a novel. 🙂
LikeLike
Simply amazing. What an eerie and suspenseful image.
LikeLike
Thank you. Glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Good grief, Claire, I am behind the settee here!
Hitchcockian terror, superbly done.
LikeLike
Absolutely terrifying. So well done. I almost felt I was there.
LikeLike
Thanks Sandra, glad you liked it.
LikeLike
fab take on the prompt Claire! And huge conragtulations! 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks so much Heidi
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now that is class! Writing a successful actioner in 100 words
LikeLike
An actioner! I didn’t know I’d written one of those, but thanks.
LikeLike
Great pacing.
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
Fabulous tension here at the end Claire.
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
“And then the sun found her knife, flicked a bead of light across the privy’s dark interior, and reflected back my staring eye.”
What an incredible line!
LikeLike
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Dear Claire,
I don’t know whether to hold my nose to keep out the stench of gasp to catch my breath. Well done. Very well done indeed.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Thanks so much Rochelle. It was a well-chosen picture!
LikeLike
Terrifying!
LikeLike
Thanks Hilary!
LikeLike
Stunning, and fab news about the book 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks so much, Helen.
LikeLike
Lordy! I found myself holding my breath to end in a gasp! Great suspense!
LikeLike
That’s great to know. Thanks, Dale
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chilling! I love where this photo took you, Claire.
LikeLike
Thanks MG
LikeLike
A movement of shade and brightness across the crack in the door Fantastic line, my dear!
LikeLike
Thanks so much Alicia!
LikeLike
Congratulations. The recognition is well deserved.
This is frightfully good.
Tracey
LikeLike
Thanks Tracey.
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG! I jumped out of my skin…Afraid to know what’s next, but superbly built so far.
LikeLike
Nice scary tension and ominous last line
LikeLike
Beautifully descriptive writing, Claire. Nice tension with a great climax. Really liked this one.
LikeLike
Thanks so much. Glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Ohhh, yes! Suspenseful to the core. Concise and hits hard. Great stuff, Claire! You’re hitting it out of the park this weekend.
LikeLike
Ooh… like! Amazing how you have managed to squeeze so much terror into so few words. Well done.
LikeLike
That was mesmerising.
LikeLike
Gods! The tension in this is palpable. Congratulations on your book’s success.
LikeLike
Thanks so much, Liz.
LikeLike
Intriguing story! Good imagery and suspense.
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLike
Great suspense and tension. Loved the “thump of blood in her ears.” Congrats on being a finalist!
LikeLike
Thanks, Amy.
LikeLike
Ooh! This is great! It left me wanting so much more. It’s amazing how so much story can be crammed into 100 words.
LikeLike
Thanks, Thom
LikeLike
That was scary!
LikeLike
Pleased to hear it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Claire, I loved this even as it made me sick to think of your character found. I loved the rhythm and pattern of your sentences, the feel of being pulled along and into a thrum of terror, the way you had her trapped and caught in almost a single breath. Stunning.
Congratulations on your book news! Your novel deserves every bit of lovely recognition it receives.
LikeLike
Thanks so much Helena. And I like your line in this comment – ‘a thrum of terror’.
LikeLike
Thank you, Claire—yes, that line just popped in as I was writing my response! That’s exactly what it felt like, a feeling you captured and communicated perfectly.
LikeLike
Aye, this is scary. The buildup is intriguing, and then the terror… I already read it last night, calmed down now. 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you! Hope it didn’t keep you awake 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL, no, it wasn’t that bad. But it did have me swallow a few times and imagine to be in the narrators place. Great suspense!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And now we are privy to the secrets of your next novel. Superb build up of tension in the story and a tantalising end.
LikeLike
Thank you. Well… maybe, we’ll see if it makes the cut
LikeLike