The man sits beside me, his suited belly pressed against the table, his laptop open, a mouse plugged in. The train sways and we all sway with it. The man pulls a handkerchief from his trouser pocket, sneezes into it and blows his nose vigorously. Five minutes later: handkerchief, sneeze, blow. And again. The fourth time the sneeze comes unexpectedly with only his hand to contain it. From the corner of my eye I see him run the length of his tie between his fingers. His hand hovers over his computer mouse, considering, then he holds it and clicks.
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I’ve missed several weeks of Friday Fictioneers – just been too busy. It’s meant to be a short short story inspired by the photo, but this week I have written a scene of 100 words, which is much easier to do than a story, so I’m cheating really (or just easing myself back in gently). Join in here and write your own 100-word flash fiction, or read some other writers’. This week the picture is provided by C.E.Ayr, and the whole is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
*
My second novel, Swimming Lessons, will be published in January 2017 in the UK, and Canada, and February 2017 in the USA. Click on the country links to pre-order.
Dear Clare,
This was so vivid it kicked in my gag reflexes. the epitome of rude and inconsiderate, that one. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank Rochelle. This was the man I sat next to on the train coming home from London yesterday…
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Ick.
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Ugh!
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It’s good to see you back Claire. It may not be a story, but it’s a meticulously observed scene
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Thanks Neil. Hopefully I’m gearing up for a story for next week.
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There’s something heartfelt about this one! I’m left wondering if you’ve been travelling by train a lot recently…
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Actually I sat next to this man yesterday.
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Ugh! I hope you escape his inconsiderate spreading of germs.
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It may be a scene, but it’s a story as well. One can assume all sorts of things to follow. Is the man on the train Patient Zero who infects the world with a pernicious virus that decimates the population, or is he a notorious hacker who is taking down a government? The observer has no reason to note him otherwise, so it naturally draws our interest. I love how he discretely uses his tie as a second handkerchief. Well written as always. Glad to see you back. I hope you’ll participate in http://www.whatpegmansaw.com sometime, too.
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Thanks, and I love those potential scenarios! I’ll take a look at the link – sounds interesting.
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A stomach-turning little vignette. Nicely done. Now I’ll have to unsee that.
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Oh dear 😉 sorry Sandra!
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Cheat all you will.. I agree with J.Hardy. It may be a scene but it definitely tells a story…albeit a gross one! Bloody hell, some people are so rude!
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Little did he know he was sitting next to a writer…
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Yes… poor fool… luckily no names were exchanged! 😁
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Well, I wouldn’t want to be sat anywhere near him! Always sneeze into your own elbow or armpit, I was told – contains the germs. Now he’ll have spread that to everyone on the train. Beautifully visualised and described, Claire – felt as if I was sitting next to you!
Good to see you back and I do hope you don’t come done with that cold!
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I couldn’t decide whether to take it all in (visually) or turn away so I didn’t take it all in…
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Revolting! Glad you only had to watch half the spectacle 🙂
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Haha great observation. As someone who suffers from allergies I have some sympathy for him – what do you do when you’ve used all the tissues you had and are still sneezing? So long as you don’t sit in the seat after him.
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it seems you use your tie…
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I’ll go with some of the others and say, “Ew”.
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Hah, thanks, James.
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There are scenes and there are stories … and then there’s YOURS. Claire, you got it by the tail here. A well-written slice of life. Excellent! Good to see you this week. Been crazy for you, I know.
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Thanks so much!
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I’m just glad that I was not on a train yesterday🙂.
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Exactly!
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Gross! LEt’s hope you never meet him socially, because you’ll never shake his hand!
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Eww. Although I suppose we’ve all done something similar, just not so publicly
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A great scene. And Ew.
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Thanks!
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This feels almost claustrophobic… being stuck with someone like that when travelling. Great scene that made me want to go off the train and walk.
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Yuk, had me gagging. It’s so recognisable from situations we’ve all been in at some time
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Wonderfully observed and communicated.
I do wish you had not abandoned your readings, this would be great, I can already hear the distaste in your voice!
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Oooh yuk! I’d have wiped my hand on my trouser leg, out of sight!
…when I grow up! My tale.
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Great snapshot that set my stomach churning. I thought when I was reading the story that it must really have happened and I gather from other comments that it did. I can’t help thinking the tie will never see the inside of a washing machine!
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Eww, I hadn’t thought of that, but ties don’t get washed often, do they?
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The writer’s revenge! Hope you didn’t pick up anything more than these vivid observations on the train.
PS My own train FF somehow took me to a place not everyone will recognise, but I know you will! Hop over if you have time.
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Things that make you say “Ewww!”
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Thanks Dawn!
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Well told… I got the squeems…. thinking about it.
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Thanks!
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Yuk! What a revolting read but not half as bad as sitting next to him in person 🙂
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Hah! Thanks Adrian.
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Ugh! Some people have no social graces!
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You’re right there.
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I love the imagery and sense of place you’ve captured here, with a simple character/scene description. I can feel the sneeze.
Can’t wait for the 2nd book!!
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Thanks Dawn!
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Hey look at that! We’re in the same’ish time zone! 😉
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You’ve really created an image here. I appreciate your sentence structure and fluidity of it all. I envy the way the words seem to naturally spill out into a scene. Good work. Will definetly follow to see more!
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Thank you! So glad you liked it.
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This was ages ago but hey, good thing never lose their beauty. Your work is such a joyride for me, love! ‘his suited belly pressed against the table’ was my favorite line. Smashingly vivid xx
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Thank you. So pleased you enjoyed it.
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Oh no worries hon xx
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