We sat under the tree and my father tore at the dark bread and pared strips of cheese with his knife. The cheese was warm and reminded me sickeningly of the milk I had thrown up. I hollowed out the soft part of the bread and pushed the cheese inside. An albino vole in a mud bank wrinkled its snout at me. It became a brown mouse with a yellow nose sitting on my knee, twitching its whiskers.
“Just eat it, Peggy,” my father said, his eyes closed. I stuffed the bread and the cheese between the roots of the tree.
Much later, when we were starving, I dreamt of that food, left behind, wasted.
***
This week I’ve cheated a little – this is an edited extract from my novel (currently called Our Endless Numbered Days). I’ve just finished it and this week have been sending it out to agents. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
This piece of writing is part of the Friday Fictioneers writing group. Each week writers from around the world attempt to write 100 words (or so) starting with a picture, this week from Scott Vanatter.
I’d love to receive comments and constructive criticism. Click here to read other people’s stories inspired by this picture or to join in, with the group hosted by Rochelle Wishoff-Fields.
Even though I hate cheese, I found this story curiously affecting. Nicely done and good luck with the novel.
Thanks Perry. I didn’t know it was possible to hate cheese…
Claire
Good story and good luck with securing an agent.
Thanks for the comments and the good wishes.
Claire
Good luck.
Thanks
Good luck, and I think you hit a good nerve about wasted food. The end is really haunting. Hope for good success in securing an agent.
Thanks Bjorn. I’ll update my blog when I have more news…
All the best with your novel. I had to read this several times because I couldn’t figure out how the albino vole became a mouse and it took me another reading to realize that they were both imagined from her cheese-in-the-bread. 🙂
janet
Thanks Janet – perhaps I should have made it clearer. Feedback is always helpful.
Thanks,
Claire
it has a moral. I wonder what happened that led to their starving. Good luck with your novel
You’ll have to read the novel to find out… if it gets published.
Thanks for commenting.
Claire
You were nicely inside the mind of a child there Claire. A lovely piece.
Thanks Sandra, glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
HI Claire
This is a lovely piece of writing – I’m intrigued by the vole that becomes a brown mouse! Best of luck with your novel 🙂
Thanks El, for the comments and the luck wishes.
Claire
Dear Claire,
I wish you all the best on your novel. Snagging the agent is the first step then you get to wait some more.
It’s never cheating to use your own bit of writing. Thanks for a taste of bread, cheese and bit of your novel.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. I’ll keep you posted.
Claire
I thought this was excellent, and if it is representative of the quality in your book then I am sure you will do well. Best of luck with finding a publisher and make sure you keep us all posted! 🙂
That’s very kind of you to say so. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
She sounds like a very unique and appealing character. Best of luck with your book!
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Clare,
I wish you the best of luck with your novel and finding an agent. The photo fits in with your novel…could be a sign or it could be all that is on your mind right now either way your talent and tenacity will pay off. It’s a great piece of writing.
All the best,
Tom
Thanks Tom. I’m nothing if not tenacious!
Claire
good luck ! This sounds interesting… has a bit of “The Painted Bird” feel to it.
I didn’t know that book. I’ve just been to look it up, and will certainly read it. Great reviews of it on Goodreads, although everyone also says it’s very bleak.
Claire
I read that book many many years ago and yes, I remember the book as very very bleak, but your prose felt similar in this case.
Good luck with your novel!
Thanks!
Claire
Sounds good. I like the voice. Good luck with the novel.
Thanks David.
Claire