William spent his days with his face glued to a microscope, sifting through London clay, counting and recording the fossils of floraminifera – micro-organisms which had once drifted in the tropical seas that had covered England. Their honeycomb swirls floated behind his closed eyes as he fell asleep in his single bed, in his flat shared with strangers.
William dreamed of a different life; one where the last thing he saw at night was his wife, and the only things he counted and recorded were his children.
***
I wrote a different story about William, counting floraminifer, but it was too cryptic even for me, so I scrapped it and started again. This one is a well short of 100 words, but I’m not sure there’s anything I want to add. William is someone I once knew, who was a very sad man. I hope he’s happier now. It turns out that the picture prompt is a wasps nest, but it reminded me of the micro fossils, floraminifera, like this one:
This piece of writing is part of the Friday Fictioneers writing group. Each week writers from around the world attempt to write 100 words (or so) starting with a picture, this week from Janet Webb.
I’d love to receive comments and constructive criticism. Click here to read other people’s stories inspired by this picture or to join in, with the group hosted by Rochelle Wishoff-Fields.
I like it. I just like it.
janet
Thanks Janet. I hope it wasn’t too cryptic for you.
Claire
Not sure what this is about but it doesn’t sound good.
Ha… Is William going to disconnect Andrew’s cable?
I don’t think so….
I hope the piece isn’t too cryptic. I’ll wait and see what other people say, without writing an explanation, and if no one understands it, I’ll do a rewrite.
Thanks for your comments.
Claire
This new one is too tame for my taste… I think the old one had more potential for humor and vengeance. But that’s just me… and I like cable guys
No, I don’t get it either. Looked up electron microscopes and floraminifera but still no wiser. I feel his pain at the frustration, and will pop back later for the explanation. 😉
Oh dear. Sorry Sandra. I’ve completely rewritten it. William makes an appearance, as does his microscope. Let me know what you think.
I’m not sure exactly what William is planning, but it sounds as though Andrew will be sorry for his actions (if he lives to tell the tale.)
Thanks Anne. I wasn’t happy with it, so I’ve changed the story substantially. I’d be interested to know what you think now.
Claire
This did make much more sense to me Claire, though without the dark undercurrents the original had. We’ve always got to be ready to rewrite what’s not working, haven’t we? Now I’m rooting for William to find happiness – I think he needs to get out more 🙂
Thanks Anne. Yes, we should definitely listen to our readers if they’re all saying ‘eh?’.
Thanks for reading again.
Claire
I liked your writing, Claire, but admit I’m not quite certain what’s going on! I’ll try to remember to pop back for your explanation or re-write later on.
Thanks Joanna. There were too many elements in such a short story, to make any sense, so I’ve changed it completely. Let me know what you think.
Claire
Oh yes, I can understand this one (!) and I like it a lot. 🙂 Amazing how many lives we can peek into using just 100 words apiece. Thanks, Claire. 🙂
Pleased you can understand this one. So can I!
Thanks for re-reading.
Claire
I really liked this too, it got my mind working – and I came up with a few ideas. You mention bombs early on, so I thought he might be a bomber, or a bomb disposal expert (the cable cutters); it might be more sinister, in that he’s planning on doing Andrew some damage with the cable cutters; or he might be a lab assistant/technician or someone who uses cable cutters in a more menial job, and has to go back to that because he won’t be able to finish his PhD? Am I close? Is there a prize?
It’s a bit like a puzzle, and I’d like to know the answer 🙂
Hah! You were close. He was a scientist, who just didn’t get his turn on the microscope, so he thought it would destroy it, and sod the PHD he was working on. But, the story obviously wasn’t working – that’s what feedback is great for – so I’ve completely rewritten it. Let me know what you think now, and I’ll have to think of a prize!
Claire
This new story is a complete rewrite, for sure! It’s more of a poignant character study, and though I like it a lot, I enjoyed the underlying menace of the last story more.
I expect you could have saved it, rewritten a few lines, but that’s tricky to do in 100 words, and this one is so different, well – for the ones who read both, it’s a buy one get one free at the WORKS this week!
HI Claire
It’s a sweet sad story – the emptiness of William’s life reflecting the emptiness of the floraminifera (oh, and i learnt a new word – and I can even spell it 🙂 )
It’s a nice word isn’t it. I think it’s pronounced fora-min-iff-era. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
I think this story came out much clearer than the earlier one 🙂
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
You painted a nice character here. I feel for him.
Thanks for commenting. Glad he touched you.
Claire
Very different. Beautiful story of yearnings amidst an undesirable reality and how they have a way of getting realised in dreams – happens to the best of us. Well done!
Thanks Parul. I hope William went on to find what he dreamed of.
Claire
William is definitely in the wrong job. Perhaps he needs to get a new degree in childcare and work in a creche where he might just meet someone and gain a ready made family. Poor William. Nice take on the prompt, even if you did think the wasp nest was a floraminifera 🙂
Hah! Maybe he’ll read this and take note.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Dear Claire,
Apparently I’m reading this after some drastic changes. As it stands I like it very much. You captured William’s loneliness. It makes me a little sad that he’s based on a real person.
shalom,
Rochelle
I hope the fellow found his dream in real life instead of only in his sleep.
Sounds like there is some hope for William.. many scientists are too focused to know what they are missing….
That’ll teach ‘em!
A great look at the choices in life, especially the ones we ultimately regret.