‘Can I sit there, Mummy?” Henry had been twisting around for almost the whole bus journey, staring at the empty back seat. At the next stop I let him go; watched him clamber up onto the prickly upholstery. I heard his chatter over the noise of the engine and when I looked he was talking and laughing, his little legs kicking.
I had to call him twice when we got to our stop. Reluctantly he left the empty seat and took my hand. And as the bus pulled away, Henry raised his chubby fingers in a wave.
‘That was my real Mummy,’ he said.
***
This piece of writing was inspired not only the picture above, but also a conversation I had with my son when he was about four (he’s now 18). He simply came out and asked me ‘where’s my real mummy and daddy?’ He’s not adopted. If you look closely you can see a face in the right hand window of the vehicle in the picture. This short story is part of the Friday Fictioneers writing group. Each week writers from around the world attempt to write 100 words (or so) starting with a picture. This week my word count is 104.
I’d love to receive comments and constructive criticism. Click here to read other people’s stories inspired by this picture from Indira or to join in with the group hosted by Rochelle Wishoff-Fields.
Intriguing story. Nice take on the prompt and I do see the face.
Thanks Perry. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
I don’t know why, but I found this a little disturbing. I love how you add so much ambiguity to your stories without it feeling jarring.
Good! It was meant to be disturbing. Thanks Helena.
Haunting…pun somewhat intended. I did not notice the face but there certainly is something shudder inducing once you see it!
It is kind of spooky that face. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Kids say the darndest things now if we only knew what they were thinking
I agree, they do,
Claire
I wondered how it was going to end and it took me by surprise. So well done! 😀
Thanks Linda. Glad you enjoyed it.
I can see/hear a child doing something like this and you wrote it so well.
janet
Thanks Janet. I appreciate your comments.
Well written, entertaining and a pleasure to read. I enjoyed your story! 🙂
Great! Thanks Penny.
Claire
This is delightfully chilling. Read it through a couple times to let it sink in, and it just gets better each time.
Great. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
This kept me interested and got a little creepy when the boy says his line. Very well told.
It was meant to be just a little bit creepy!
Thanks, Claire
Eerie, compelling. Not bad for 100 words Claire. Well done.
I’d forgotten how hard 100 words is. I’ve been doing 333 for a few weeks.
Thanks Sandra.
A very creative tale with quite a surprising end..
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Nice!
Thanks!
That would be pretty scary to hear your kid say. It almost seems like the kids in horror movies who have some link to paranormal things and act as if it’s normal.
Exactly that. Thanks for commenting David.
Claire
An interesting little interpretation and use of a feature many did not see.
Yes, I haven’t read them all, but I’m not sure if anyone else saw the face.
Thanks Joe.
This an interesting tale
Thanks for reading and commenting Charles.
Claire
Dear Claire,
An entertaining piece that can be taken two ways. It could’ve been the lead in to something eerie or it could’ve just been a four-year-old with a wonderfully active imagination. 😉 I liked it in any case.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
The last line was wonderful, in that it allowed the reader to go with it where they wanted (in either an “awwww” or an “eeeek!” like fashion). Loved it!
That was clever. and moving. And great you used your own story.
Wow. I hadn’t noticed the face in the window. Thanks for drawing attention to it.
Intriguing – a kid might say things like that, but just imagine it’s true
Sinister in a different way from what I would have expected. You built it up really well. Children do say things like that.
Oh I loved this. So well written, such a great take on the prompt
Dee
Strangely touching piece.
Loved it.
Kids say the strangest of things. Thought he was laughing and chatting with his real mummy’s ghost until I read your narrative about the picture inspiration
Ouch. Painful and disturbing. Would love to know why he thinks this.
oh god, this story made the hair on my arms stir. well done.. it’s scary and sad at the same time.
Dear Claire,
I like the way you took a moment from your past and used it in conjunction with the prompt to give us a wonderful and layered story. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug.