Agnes knocked on the door. We stood there for ages; I was hoping no one would answer but eventually we heard slow footsteps and the door opened a crack.
“Please mister,” said Agnes, “my friend isn’t feeling well. Could she have a glass of water?”
As the old man poked his head out I remembered to sag at the knees. He looked us both over. “What’s the problem here?” he said and opened the door wider. “Water d’ya say?” He cupped an ear with his hand.
Behind him silver picture frames and knickknacks glittered on a hall table.
“Jackpot,” whispered Agnes.
***
This picture, was supplied by Al Forbes for Friday Fictioneers, our weekly online writing group hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Rochelle posts a picture each week and writers from all over the world gather to write about 100 words using it as inspiration. Click here to read other people’s and to join in. And please comment below with any suggestions for improvement on mine.
Great scene setting, well done 🙂
Thanks Helen.
Very clever take on the prompt. I loved the part about remembering to sag at the knees. Your tale was told very well. good job.
Thanks
Thievery! Good one…
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Oh I liked way you turned the tables on us with this one Claire! Loved it!
Thanks Linda.
I enjoyed that very much, darling. I could almost hear the feigned weakness in Agnes’ voice.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Wicked, wicked women, taking advantage of the old man’s kindness (and gullibility). Nicely told.
They are naughty girls.
Yikes. That’s the way to case a joint. Great story.
Thanks for reading and commenting
A clever and well written scene, that leaves me wanting to know what happens next! I love that you went in an entirely different direction than the crowd. Well done! I was sure I had followed the flow this week, but still waiting for another warrior story…
We could have gone all sorts of way with that picture. Thanks for your comments.
Casing the joint, eh? Very clever.
Absolutely. Thanks for commenting.
Nice one Claire. A visit to an all too familiar slice of life here.
Thanks Sandra
Oh sweet!Thieves in the guise of Damsels in distress-super!!
Bad girls. Thanks for commenting.
😉
the perfect set-up
Nice one
Thanks.
Oooh, bad girls! A very unique interpretation of the prompt. Well done!
Thanks Jan, glad you liked it. Claire
I love the subtlety of your writing, Claire. You allow us to piece together what’s happening. Loved this story.
Thanks Karen. That’s what gives me most pleasure in reading – when things are just a little bit obscure.
Deception, well-written! Very well done…
Thanks Freya. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Dear Claire,
I feel a robbery coming on. Cagey Agnes. A glass of water indeed. Nice one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Bad girls eh? Thanks Rochelle.
Dear Claire,
Five stars for leaving the usual behind and taking a road less traveled. Perhaps he’ll turn the tables on them. Old men don’t get to be old for no reason. Loved this story.
Aloha,
Doug
I like that – ‘old men don’t get to be old for no reason’. Thanks Doug.
Claire
This would transform into quite a comedy if Agnes and her partner in crime were little old ladies, but it’s good the way it is too.
I love that idea. Could get up to all sorts of things.
Claire
Nice lead in! I’m betting, however, that old man has a few surprises up sleeve. 🙂
I’d like to think that he could give as good as he got.
Thanks for commenting.
That was absolutely fantastic.
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Oh yes.. the burglar’s mind. and the old trick with a glass of water. I hope for a turn of tables here…
I would hope so too. I think that old man might not be as tame as they think.
Sneaky kids, using pity as a means to criminal ends. I’m curious what happens next.
Going door-to-door takes on new meaning.