Short story: Identification

 

trespass_randy_mazie-1

Rex went to the police station alone, leaving the girls in a cafe drinking cocoa. “Hot chocolate,” Flora insisted. Their faces bruised by worry.

He was told the handbag had been found in an empty squat, but he wasn’t sure about it; Ingrid had owned so many bags and it was six years ago. Six years already! But he remembered the photograph found in an inside pocket, now in a clear plastic evidence bag. Rex smoothed the wrinkles: Ingrid on the beach with Flora and Margaret eating ice cream. He wanted to snatch the photograph out and tear it up. 

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For those who don’t know how Friday Fictioneers works, this picture, supplied this week by Randy Mazie is our inspiration for our weekly online writing group hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Click here to read other people’s amazing stories or to join in. And please comment below with any suggestions for improvement on mine.

9 thoughts on “Short story: Identification

  1. Six years is a long time to entertain a flicker of hope. This made me ponder whether Ingrid had abandoned them willingly, or whether she’d been abducted. And when you’re reaching the end of your tether, it’s important to be convinced one way or another. Nicely done Claire.

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  2. This is a desolate place, isn’t it — the kind of lonely place that is haunted by bad things such as this. Such a great take, Claire — it is easy to write an ugly story about something horrible — you have a great talent of bringing a tender, human touch to even the most terrible of stories. This is very well done.

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  3. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to go through something like this. I’m wondering about this fragment-as-sentence: “Their faces bruised by worry.” It seems as if it should go after “girls” in ” leaving the girls in a cafe…” Normally I’d think it would belong after that entire sentence but with the lovely snippet about the hot chocolate, it seems to fit better after “girls.” Other than that, which brought the flow up short for me, it flowed as well as always.

    janet

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