‘Come on, careful’ said Flora laughing and walking backwards uphill, her hands holding those of the blindfolded Richard. She had that September first-day-of-school excitement inside her. ‘It’s worth it, I promise.’ Richard’s foot slid on the loose stones of the path, and he staggered, swearing. ‘Careful,’ she said again.
At the top she guided him over the rock on his hands and knees. ‘Keep right! Now sit. Ready?’ She pulled the scarf from his eyes. Laid out before them was a woven cloth of purple heath and bright gorse, trimmed with yellow sand, then beyond, the slow, sleepy-headed sea.
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This week I’ve been roped into a blog tour about ‘My Writing Process’. If you’re interested, you can read my post here.
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For those who don’t know how Friday Fictioneers works, this picture (this time supplied by Danny Bowman) is our inspiration for our weekly online writing group hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Click here to read other people’s amazing stories or to join in. And please comment below with any suggestions for improvement on mine.
Sounds idyllic. Great writing.
Thanks Sandra.
Ah… see, I missed the Agglestone reference, had to look it up. Sounds like a lovely place for a picnic, though.
It is beautiful down there.
Sounds idyllic but I can’t help but feel he is a lamb being led to the slaughter upon the devil’s alter. Excellent writing.
Lots of people have said that, or words to that effect, but it wasn’t my intention, perhaps it’s because most of my writing is pretty bleak!
Great piece. For a moment I thought she was going to push him off, so the idyllic scene was a nice surprise
Hah! No plans for pushing.
Love the description at the end and yes, I too was anticipating the big push. Glad it didn’t happen this week. Lovely.
janet
I’ve written too many negative stories and now everyone’s expecting the same…
The ultimate twist: you expect one and the surprise is–there isn’t one. Well done.
Thanks. A double bluff.
Dear Claire,
I loved the description of her walking up the hill backwards. Nice job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. Glad you liked it.
I wasn’t sure what to expect at the end, but the whole description of the scenery was gorgeous! What would I give to sit somewhere with such a view right now…
Oh, me too.
Hi Claire,
That last line is a gorgeous piece of descriptive writing. I think it was worth the trip up the mountain. Ron
Thanks Ron. I’m glad you thought I got it right. Claire
beautiful descriptions. i especially loved the sleepy-headed sea 🙂
Thank KZ. That’s what it’s often like in summer – sluggish and sleepy.
I like this. Great structure. Romantic with a bit of a scare in the middle bit.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Claire
You kept us all guessing, with a little trepidation thrown in. Good one, Claire.
Kept me guessing too! Thanks for reading and commenting. Claire
Sounds like a nice romantic setting. Good job.
Thanks, glad you liked it.
Such a sweet story in the end. I was expecting him to be pushed down the hill 😉
Thanks. That’s what everyone’s said.
Claire
What a wonderful way to go from bleak to blissful
Thanks Bjorn, glad you enjoyed it.
Lovely descriptions.
Thanks Dawn. Glad you enjoyed it.
Well done. You’ve painted a lovely picture with words.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Felt like I was right there with them, blindfold and all. Great job!
Thanks, that’s a great compliment
I too was waiting for the push – but was pleasantly surprised with the ending
Thanks, pleased to surprise you!
Claire, given the tendency of FFeers to go all dark, I was expecting something terrible at the end, for our blind-folded fellow. However, the vista was a wonderful surprise, for him and for your readers. Really nicely done.
Thanks – I normally go dark too, so I was as surprised as anyone. I could see yours on the links board, have you written one this week?
Yes, mine is up… and I did go dark, for a change. Strange; you don’t see my link? It shows up for me. Anyway… I really enjoyed this one Claire!
I did find it (didn’t have your name against it), and I had already read and commented…oh dear. See, I’m getting old too. And I’ve just found you on Twitter.
I think I forgot to put the blog name when I linked, this week. Gah! Thanks for the perseverance! I thought you had read it, but then, when you said something, thought I had it wrong… old ladies! (you, hardly!)
Flora shows her love the local flora. Nice.
MG
Hah, very clever. Thanks for reading
Great writing. I really enjoyed this. I thought she was going to push him off the edge. I guess that’s my mind set this week. I’m glad this had another ending!
Thanks Amy. Glad you enjoyed it.