I stood where they told me, hidden in the dark margins of the studio, to watch you in the spotlight. You mesmerized them, studio crew and interviewer (and me), laughing and then hushed, hanging on your every word. I was so proud. They all loved you, your book, your perfect life, projected. I loved you too, then.
Loved you when the production assistant whispered, ‘Isn’t he wonderful?’
Loved you when she said, ‘A bit of a rogue though.’
Loved you. ‘Apparently he has a wife and child in the country.’
Loved. “And a woman in every city.”
***
For those who don’t know how Friday Fictioneers works, this picture (this time supplied by Kent Bohnam) is our inspiration for our weekly online writing group hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Each story is about 100 words long, so why not read a few others: click here to read some more or to join in. And please comment below with any suggestions on mine, or just to show you’ve visited.
“hidden in the dark margins of the studio, to watch you in the spotlight”
I think that is a subtle way of conveying the relationship between them. Very well written.
Absolutely. Glad you picked up on that. I’m never sure how subtle or not I’m being – since I know what I mean!
Well done Claire, like you my subtlety-monitor works inefficiently on my own work, but I got this straightaway. Nice work.
Thanks Sandra. It’s always hard that – as the author – to tell how much you’re giving away.
What a lovely piece of writing, Claire. I LOVED how the writing itself seems to trail away, piece by piece, as the narrator’s love.
Ah, thanks Helena, glad you liked that bit.
I see all the insights have been mentioned. I wish there’d been on “loved” in the last line at all, since I’m sure it had been gone by then in her heart. The trailing off work perfectly but with that that word, it seems incongruous. Wonderfully done story as always.
janet
I was thinking that ‘Loved’ on it’s own could also be taken as the simple past tense – so therefore in the past, and so the love has gone. I did write one more line without a loved in it, but then took it out. But a good debate to have.
That’s true, Claire, and it fits the style perfectly. OK. I’m in. 🙂
Ah. the sadness of what success can to do to some men. ready to drop their family … a harsh realization… but it’s men like that ending up with only a bottle as company.
I think it went to his head – the success.
To use your own words…I loved it.
Thank you.
Interesting how the “Loved” parts dwindle down to one word at the end. Nicely done
I hope you feel it worked.
I enjoyed this the whole way through, as the subtlety faded and the truth emerged. It’s amazing how you exposed the depth of an affair in merely a few simple lines from a bystander. A wonderfully engaging piece!
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Past tense.’ Loved. ‘ Love it!
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Dear Claire,
I enjoyed the rhythm and depth of this piece in few words.
shalom,
Rochelle
Thank Rochelle, for your comment and for your time visiting everyone every week.
Loved this story!
Thanks!
Claire
loved the way you built the story with sentences getting shorter and shorter and shorter. very effective I should say.
Pleased you felt it worked.
Really excellent, Claire. The story fades, like her crush… love– brilliantly played.
Ah, I’m glad everyone got that. Thanks.
Claire
Very thoughtfully written. A clever way to show love diminishing with the blow of each new unknown fact about a man she thought she knew.Good story.
She really knows so little, does she? Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Great diminishment of love. Clever and well written.
Thanks. Glad you felt it worked.
Claire
Claire I loved this piece. I felt like I was on the journey with her as piece by piece her love fell apart.
Thank you.
Claire
wonderful writing. you shoved us all inside the poor girl’s head with this story
You know, waiting in the wings, you get to hear all sorts. I only ever got as far as county level drama at high school, but wow, is behind the scenes a hot-bed of gossip! Well done, this was very cleverly written.
I really liked this story, so sad listening to a life falling apart.
Ah, yes, “loved.” I love this, Claire. Skillfully told. Good work.
Yes… that’s a good one!