You drove us out to a country pub for our first date.
‘There’s some live music on that I think you’d like,’ you said, although now I realize it was so we wouldn’t be spotted together by anyone from the university, anyone who thought what you were doing was wrong.
The place was packed, everyone swaying and singing together. You pressed your body up close behind mine, your laughing breath in my hair.
In the break I pushed through to the bar. ‘Another white wine,’ I shouted over the crowd’s noise.
Nodding, the barman shouted back: ‘And what would your father like?’
***
For those who don’t know how Friday Fictioneers works, this picture (this time supplied by Bjorn Rudberg) is our inspiration for our weekly online writing group hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Each story is only about 100 words long, so why not read a few others: click here to read some more or to join in. And please comment below with any suggestions on mine, or just to show you’ve visited.
You know, I can see how that might take the glow off the evening somewhat. Nicely done Claire.
LikeLike
Yes, wouldn’t it? Thanks.
LikeLike
Oh.. I read this a teacher student relationship… so common, so sad…. Hope the bartender woke her up…
LikeLike
I’m not sure that he does… Thanks for reading Bjorn and for the picture
LikeLike
Ha! Ha! That’s a nice twist in the end. Makes you want to re-read it all over again with a different set of eyes.
LikeLike
That’s a lovely thing for a writer to hear. Thanks for reading.
LikeLike
I enjoyed that very much! Really a good short one!
LikeLike
Glad you liked it. Thanks
LikeLike
Lol. I sensed this was a student/teacher thing early doors, but the ending added a nice punchline. Good one.
LikeLike
Pleased that it surprised you even if just a little. Thanks,
Claire
LikeLike
about ten years ago i went shopping with a girlfriend because i wasn’t thrilled with some of her clothing choices. i picked out about four or five things and asked her to go in and out of the changing room so i could see which ones i thought looked best. two elderly women were sitting near by. one said, “oh, that’s so nice of you to take your daughter shopping.” at first i was insulted, but then i realized i was just lucky.
LikeLike
Hah! Great story – and nice to know it really happens. I think in my story the man never finds out what the barman says.
LikeLike
Ah, the troubles of a fragile young heart…Unfortuantely, that last line wasn’t the worst part. Loved your story.
LikeLike
Thanks. It can be tricky negotiating relationships whatever the circumstances.
LikeLike
Loved the last line 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Helen.
LikeLike
Ah teacher’s pet.Poor thing she will learn. Last line was great. I dated a guy 7 1/2 years younger once. Let’s just say the difference showed. 😉
LikeLike
Surely not in looks… only perhaps in immaturity! 😉
LikeLike
Ah, good “hitch” in the end…. Good story – or not! Thanks.
LikeLike
Thanks. Glad you liked it.
Claire
LikeLike
Got used to – or rather my wife got used to this kinda comments. 😉
Though in this case – it might not be as much fun ! Nice one Claire !
LikeLike
Ah, so you’ve got a large age gap? No reason that it can’t work. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
LikeLike
Not really… More than the age gap its her looks 😉 and yes its working out fine till now
LikeLike
I doubt this twosome has much of a future. I hope he’s not married and has kept that from her. He seems overly secretive. Good story and great ending line. XD.
LikeLike
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Claire
LikeLike
Another good story , Claire. From what you wrote, she knows now what he was doing. I don’t know if what the bartender said influenced that, but perhaps it made her stop and think. This is a classic story…unfortunately.
janet
LikeLike
Thanks Janet. I think she knew it all along, it’s just interesting to see how a complete stranger views them together.
Claire
LikeLike
A story played out too often all over the world, unfortunately–but your last line was absolutely brilliant!
LikeLike
Glad you liked it Jan.
Claire
LikeLike
the last sentence was like a bolt of lightning. it woke me up and i had to read the story all over again. good job.
LikeLike
That’s always great to hear for a writer – isn’t it? The story made the reader want to re-read.
LikeLike
Dear Claire,
Great little story, well told. Classic last line.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Been there, done that, had the wedding ring. 😉 Very authentic, Claire!
LikeLike
This one made me smile. Nicely done. I hope she comes to her senses 🙂
LikeLike
One thing struck me after reading your story; the bartender thought he was her father, but didn’t he think it was odd that they were dancing so intimately. Yuck! And kind of creepy of him. Great story! It was very authentic and made me think too much, obviously. 🙂
LikeLike
I read it twice, Claire. The “twist” was not the twist i expected, and I loved that! Very well done; I really enjoyed this. 😀
LikeLike
Yowzer! That hurt a little 😉
LikeLike
It’s sad when one’s quasi-tragedies are highlighted with seemingly innocuous remarks. I felt it. Great twist. Cheers!
LikeLike
haha that was such a great last line… i re-read the whole thing and realized that this could be interpreted in so many different ways 🙂
LikeLike
Great story. I almost made the same mistake as the barmana few years ago – thinking the woman with man I was talking to at a party was his mother. So so glad I kept my mouth firmly closed!
Dee
LikeLike