Halfway home I turn and see him.
‘Shoo,’ I say, stamping my foot. ‘Don’t follow me, dog.’ Something in the way he looks at me squeezes my insides, loosens my bowels. I turn and walk fast, breaking into a trot, but can’t resist looking back; he’s still there, keeping pace, mouth closed, ears up, relentless. The day is hot, but my blood is cold. I stop and pick up a stone from the path, throw it. When it bounces off the dog’s shoulder he doesn’t even flinch; he just stands there looking at me, with my father’s eyes.
***
This is a Friday Fictioneers 100-word (or so) story inspired by the picture supplied by the lovely Dawn Q. Landau. Friday Fictioneers is organised and run by the wonderful Rochelle. Click here to join in, and here to read other pieces. I’d love to know what you think of mine – please leave a comment!
***
Hurray! After nineteen months of waiting, my novel, Our Endless Numbered Days has been published in the UK (Fig Tree / Penguin) and Canada (House of Anansi). It will be published in the USA on 17th March by Tin House.
H
The last two words filled the whole story with meaning.. stunning really. Love that you wrote it in first person.. added a lot of strength.
Thanks Bjorn. I’m quite pleased with how those last two words skew everything.
That last bit is chilling, as you leave us to speculate on what might happen, what secrets there are, to even bring our own feelings and memories to the story. And once again, congratulations on the book. 🙂
janet
Thanks Janet. Yes – I have no idea what happens next…
Claire
Will my eyes ever dry! Another sad one, and a metaphor for a relationship in conflict. Beautifully done. As I would expect, from you.
Thanks Sandra. Or it could be taken literally. I don’t mind…
Claire
That last line is a killer. Nice work.
Thanks, glad you liked it.
Claire
Shivers. Love it.
Oh good. That’s how I hoped you would feel.
Claire
Well done, Claire. Leaves a thousand questions whirring around in my mind. (Congrats again on the book!) Alicia
Thanks Alicia. Really pleased you liked it.
Claire
Do I need to echo everyone else and say that the last line was literally breathtaking? The fear and anxiety that you built only heightened with that line.
Thanks Helena, and it was really good to ‘speak’ to you yesterday.
Claire
Intriguing tale. I will raise a glass to you tomorrow.
Ahh, thank you!
Claire
You do like your surprise endings. Loved the story, loved your book. It’s a must read for all! Cheers –
Erin
Thanks Erin. I never expect them – they just happen! And so glad you enjoyed Our Endless Numbered Days.
Claire
Heh, loved this one. Reincarnation or paranoia? Who knows. Tremendous piece of prose.
I like the idea of it being reincarnation, but I’m happy for you to decide for yourself. Thanks Paul!
I agree with the other commenters – that last line is what brings it all together and gives it that emotional depth. Great stuff!
Thanks Simon, glad you liked it.
Claire
Oof. Real bowel loosening stuff! Bravo.
Hah! I debated about that phrase, but then stuck it in anyway.
Those last four words sent shivers down my spine.
That’s good! Thanks for reading.
Claire
Dear Claire,
Your story engaged me, and your last line took my breath away. (I’m sitting in the library, and I think I got a glare from another patron when I gasped as I read your ending. As the security guard is on the other end of the room and didn’t noticed, I do believe the both of us are safe from expulsion. 🙂 )
All my best,
Marie Gail
Oh no! I wouldn’t want to get you expelled from the library! But glad that my story worked for you.
Claire
This is heartbreaking, Claire…and so well delivered. Cruelty begets cruelty, it is a vicious circle.
I’m so pleased with your comment – it means that you read so much more than was on the page, and I love it when readers do that. Thank you!
Your usual clever mix of pathos and empathy.
Just had an email from amazon to say that ‘Our Endless Numbered Days’ has been despatched, whoopee!
Woohooo! I really hope you enjoy it. And thanks for your comment.
Good one Claire. But you have me wondering if she should be frightened or curious.
I think she’s frightened, but you can take it either way.
Wow, nice one, Claire. I’m not sure whether to be creeped out or sad. Those last three words just change everything. I like it.
-David
Thanks David. It certainly creeped me out as I wrote it, but I also suspect that there must have been something wrong with the relationship with her father to react like that.
Liked the twist at the end.
Thanks Karen.
You struck your father! Shame on you.
No wonder you loosed your bowels!
Randy
Hah! But the bowel loosening came before the striking!
details. details. details.
Did I get that order right? 😉
Hmm, I think the second details should have come before the first…
Dear Claire,
There’s so much that can be read into this piece. It seemed to me to be a grieving child. I know after my father passed away I saw him in everything. Of course you brilliantly left it open to interpretation. I’ve come to expect nothing less. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. I like that interpretation, but I would also guess that she isn’t happy to see him again in the dog.
Dear Claire,
Your ability to pack a lifetime of mystery into a hundred words is unparalleled. This story haunts me.
(Congrats on all the great reviews for your novel. Well deserved, I am certain.)
Aloha,
Doug
Thank Doug. Glad you liked it.
Claire
I don’t know what to say, I can only second what others have said before. This evokes so many different emotions… and congrats on your novel.
Thanks. Really pleased you liked it.
Claire
end unexpected, intriguing
Make of it what you will…
Claire
Greag story! Love the twist at the end.
Congratulations on the publication of your novel, Claire!!!
Thanks Jan. Glad you liked it.
Claire
Very accomplished.
This is like one of those optical illusions. Scary skull or lovely little girls?
I’d like to think this could actually be her father (why not?) and the whole spooky feel will therefore take a 360 turn.
I like that idea. It really is him…
Claire
Wonderful and I loved how you changed the meaning of the whole story for me with the last line. I really thought she was going to die up until that point.
Oh, I’m pleased you didn’t see it coming.
Claire
This story is creepy. Creepy in the good way: mysterious, mystical, spooky and goose-bumpy. I especially liked that you left this story and the presence of the narrator’s father open to interpretation.
I like creepy! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Her father’s eyes!
Yes! Surprised me too!
Claire
Claire, big kudos and Mazel for the incredible reviews of your new book! You must be floating?! You have worked so hard, and what a wonderful success to enjoy– I can’t wait to read it. It’s high on my list (when I catch up with my book group selections)!
Interestingly, this dog found us on our way to Machu Picchu and followed us for days. I felt “haunted” by him, and wanted to bring him home. Your story really touched me– beautiful.
Ohh, that is odd. I love to hear the background behind the picture. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Loved the way you wrote the body into your story. It had the effect of making the reader part of it. Shocked when she threw the rock great payback when she saw her fathers blue eyes.
Thanks Irene.
Claire
Ooh, that last line sent a chill through me. Great take on the prompt. I really enjoyed this.
Thanks Amy, pleased you liked it.
Claire
Superb.
Thank you!
Powerful portrayal of hurt and conflict. Congratulations on your book, too.
Thanks Margaret.
Claire
Wonderfully written and a dynamite ending.
Thank you! So pleased you liked it.
Claire
I think it would take more than ‘mere’ fear to loosen the bowels, so I would expect this tale to develop into something darker than dark. I’ve downloaded a sample of the Kindle version of your book for now. I add my congratulations to those of the others. 🙂
I think you’re right. And thanks for looking at the sample. I hope you like it!
Claire
Ute and I … I do like it so far and will purchase it when I’ve finished the sample unless it takes a turn that provokes nightmares and vomitting. 🙂
What a complex, beautifully written, haunting piece. I enjoyed every word, the simplicity and power of image and language. Made me want to read your book(s)!