Richard laid branches in a wide circle on the frozen grass; then the skeletons of old Christmas trees which Flora’s father had stuffed behind the shed every January; and finally a layer of straw, like a bed. Almost comfortable.
‘Ready?’ said Richard.
Flora would never be ready, but she bent to lift her end. Her father’s body was heavier than she had imagined, and she and Richard had to swing it three times. Richard held out the matches, but Flora shook her head. Instead she watched the white grass around the edge of the fire melt into green and then blacken, as if seasons had passed in the space of a minute.
***
A piece flash fiction which is supposed to be 100 words, but I’m 112 this week, oh dear. Usually I can slice and edit with no problem, but this week somehow everything here I wanted to keep. Friday Fictioneers is brought to us by the wonderful writer Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and the picture this week is supplied by the equally wonderful writer, Sandra Crook. Click here to join in with Friday Fictioneers, or here to read other people’s.
***
Tin House, my US publisher has posted the first chapter of my novel, Our Endless Numbered Days, on their blog. Have a read, if you like.
I like it. I think they’d need some kind of accelerant, but dumping a can of petrol would make this a very different sort of story. When I get pressed for words, I generally restructure my sentences to get rid of conjunctions. Sometimes this approach has led me to a different style. It’s a fantastic exercise.
Yep, perhaps I’ll have another go at it tonight. Thanks for reading
I like how you made the funeral bier almost as comfortable as a bed with skeletons of Christmas trees. Lovely piece.
Thanks Alicia. Glad you liked it.
Claire
Sometimes it’s tricky to lose words. I spent fifteen minutes writing a hundred and a bit words last night, then another hour to shave it down to 100…
I love the skeletons of Christmas trees – it’s almost as if he left them for this reason. There’s so much in the last sentence: Flora’s grief, a life gone too quickly. Great piece!
Thanks Sonya. Yes, I always say things are 30% writing, 70% revising. Glad you liked it.
Claire
Really lovely, every word of it.
Ahh, thanks Karen
A beautiful piece, and the perfect title.
Thank you!
Claire
Dear Claire, (I hope you remember me even though you’re now a published author!)
I’m thoroughly enjoying your writing/ blogs. I’m so pleased that I’ve been able to track you down and that everything is going well. Looking forward to reading more…
Kind regards
Daryl
Hi Daryl, Of course I remember you! Thanks for tracking me down. I hope things are going well. I’ll add you to my mailing list, and then you won’t miss anything 😉
Claire
As if seasons had passed in the space of a minute.
Perfection, Claire, and a story that, although complete, left me wondering,
Thanks Liz, really pleased you liked it.
Claire
i liked the last sentence, too. it’s beautiful. it’s very original.
Thank you!
I can see why you want to keep all the words. They are lovely and said it all. And I keep mixing my tenses…very big sigh.
Lily
Hah! Not to worry, I know what you meant. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
This was a really good piece, even if you did go over! I sometimes agonize over making that brutal cut and hate to remove a sentence I really enjoyed constructing but in the end I have to comply! I don’t know why, its not like I am going to get arrested but I just can’t go over the limit.
I know! I usually do, but when I wrote this I was short of time, and it probably wouldn’t have been another hour working out what to change or what to cut.
Claire
Beautifully written …What a lovely and passionate scene.
Thank you!
Claire
Dear Claire,
You have a knack for taking me to places I’ve never gone before. I think I even felt the flames warming my feet and ankles. No surprise at how well done it is.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. Glad you liked it.
Claire
Claire,
I loved every word! This is exquisite..
MG
Thanks Marie Gail.
Lovely writing, Claire. You really drew me in with this. Congrats on your book! I’m so happy for you.
Thanks Amy, for reading, commenting and the congratulations!
Some terrific detail in this – I liked the ‘bed”like quaity of the funeral bier. And the images of the white grass turning green then black. Lovely. When he held out the matches and she shook her head I wondered how the fire had started, but I guess Richard did it? Or maybe, as I later toyed with, it was some magical property of the body that was melting the perimeter of the fire. Whatever, I enjoyed it. I hope you are enjoying your new celebrity status. 🙂
I know. There needs to be a pause in there while Richard lights the fire, but I was already too many words over. At least you got what was going on. And thanks for pointing it out – constructive criticism is always appreciated from you, Sandra.
Claire
Dear Claire,
I think your story is lyrical and well written. You parse the moments in such wonderful ways and allow us to see into the minds of your characters as they experience life, loss, love…
It is a pleasure reading your work.
(What is Daryl on about? Should I be leaving a resume too? The price of new found fame, perhaps? I love that your dedication to craft and skill and persistence is leading you into uncharted waters. i have a feeling you’ll be a great swimmer and an excellent navigator.)
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks Doug for your lovely comments. I’ve edited Daryl’s comment now. I think he must have cut and pasted it from a work email.. and he’s a solicitor…
Claire
A gentle and tender snapshot of a loving farewell. Great last line.
Thanks Patrick. Glad you liked it.
Claire
Viking-esque as well as beautifully evoked. I like the way the title both foreshadows and show both the setting and the emotions. Hang the extra words! Be wild and crazy for a week. 🙂
janet
Perhaps I’ll try and do 99 words for the next two months! Viking-esque – I like it!
Claire
There are so many things I love about this story.. that single scene told me so much, like the keeping the old Christmas trees said something about the father, and the fact that they build a pyre for him in the backyard.. somehow I want to know more.
Thanks Bjorn. I’m hoping something from this will make it into my second book, so you might get to know more one day…
Claire
Beautiful, and what Björn said. I’m intrigued why they burn the father outside instead of some kind of funeral. I’m also intrigued how they burn the ‘junk’, the old Christmas trees, like cleaning the place (through fire).
Me too! I’ve yet to work it all out. Thanks for reading and commenting; glad you liked it.
Claire
This piece is so realistic, I could hear and feel the fire. I love your writing because it always pulls me right in, Claire! Wonderful story.
Thanks Dawn, glad you liked it.
Claire
I think it’s worth the extra words.
Hah! Thank you!
Claire
Your twelve extra words added only light, not weight. They were necessary. Very touching, evocative writing, Claire.
That’s a kind thing to say. Thank you, Erin.
Claire
A lovely piece. Intriguing that the body had to be burned. Your words are luscious, descriptive, insightful. No need to edit it down any further!
Thanks, Jan. I’m not sure why they’re burning it. I’m going to have to write more to find out.
Such a clever use of words with the ‘skeleton’ trees foreshadowing the body. Good story.
Glad you spotted that one, Hilary. Thanks for reading.
Claire
skeletons of Christmas trees as bier- poignant, well written
Thank you. Glad you liked it.
Claire
A touching story full of feeling and unspoken meaning. You’ve made me wonder about what kind of world they’re living in and why they have to do such a task. Brilliant.
In my mind it’s a completely normal world, but you’re right it could be out of necessity because of what’s happening in the world.
Claire
Such an evocative scene – full of feeling and suggestion. It makes me want to know more about the characters and their world. Lovely.
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A small masterpiece.
Well done.
Ahh, thanks, AnElephantCant
Claire
– Usual superlatives inserted here –
There I’ve cut my comments length down and left it to the reader’s imagination 😉
Hah! Thanks. Can some of your lack of words be set against my excess words do you think?
Claire
This was very different, a creative way to settle the problem of cremation when it’s too frozen to have a buriel. It was so descriptive I could see it happening. Well done as always, Claire. I intend to follow the link and read the first chapter of your novel. 🙂 — Suzanne
Thanks, Suzanne. I love how each reader gets something different from the same piece. I hope you enjoy the first chapter – let me know.
Claire
I just read the first chapter of your book. It drew me right in. It’s definitely on my TBR list, Claire. 🙂 — Suzanne
Very descriptive and evocative writing Claire, and a great use of the prompt. Loved it.