In the early morning I discover a well-worn path leading away from the house. It takes me towards the woods, across the parkland. Wider than a deer-track, it’s a route made by and for humans; the earth rubbed smooth by heels and souls. The path passes into a stand of yew, beech and oak, but five hundred yards on, it stops; an abrupt dead-end of ferns and bramble. I can’t see why, since the path is so worn. Where did those who travelled it go? I turn to walk back; before I reach the edge of the wood I am running.
***
This is a 100-word flash fiction story written for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, who has also provided this week’s photo. Click here to read other people’s, or here to write your own story.
C – I could feel my heart beating when reading this. I get the same feeling as the Rhododendron of Manderley in Rebecca. I get a feeling of disaster waiting around the corner.. the pivot point of the stop of the path could perhaps be enhanced even more by picturing the beauty of the path leading up. Some flowers or butterflies.. or maybe a smell. But that would probably require even more words.
All good points Bjorn, and my original had a line about smells, but I’m already 3 words over (shhh), so to put that in, something else would have to go.
Brilliant ending!
Thanks, Susan.
An intriguing lead up to a powerful last line. Well done.
Dear Claire,
I could feel the tension slowly build in this atmospheric piece. I also liked the subtle use of “heels and souls” as opposed to soles on the path.
As for the extra words…I was three short this week so we can call it even. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
Drat, Rochelle stole my thought about heels and souls, which I loved.
Terrific hairs-on-end writing.
Thanks so much. Really pleased you liked it.
Evocative as always, and well-written too!
Thanks, for reading and commenting.
A very intriguing and captivating tale.
Thank you!
Reblogged this on Jackie Cartwright Author/Blogger.
It’s the ‘souls’ that makes this a scary tale for me – it conjures up ghosts and spirits, and in this story, they aren’t friendly.
Oh good – that’s exactly what I was hoping for. Odd isn’t it, how one little ‘u’ and one less ‘e’ can make that difference?
You’re fast becoming one of my favourite flash writers on here, and stories like this are why.
Ahh, that’s such a lovely thing to say. Thank you.
Really intriguing end Claire.
Thank you. Sometimes the creeps just come over me and I have to write them down…
Really spine-chilling.
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
C – What ceayr and Rochelle said. I’m intrigued by why she’s only now discovering the path, since it’s so worn. Adds another layer of ominous-ness. Excellent word choice in “abrupt,” too. Gave me shivers.
I don’t think she’s been in the house long, but I’m not sure why. Glad you liked it.
I love how specific your descriptions are, in terms of the types of trees etc. I’d be pushing to try and come up with constructive criticisms.Contracting phrases like “I am” and “It is” would give you extra words and it feels a bit oddly formal not to in this particular story.
Fantastic and intriguing story.
Oh, do you know – I didn’t even notice that I hadn’t used contractions apart from right at the end, which was deliberate. That would give me extra words! Thanks
In fact I’ve just changed it is to it’s. Hurray, one word less!
Some beautiful writing here, Claire. Cracking build up to a great ending. No crits from me this week 🙂
Ahh, thanks, Paul. That means a lot.
So clever! I wonder how it came to you.
Thank you. This morning I started reading The Old Ways by Robert Macfarlane, a lovely book about walking the footpaths of Britain, so I suppose paths must have been in my head just as I saw the picture.
Creepy good!
DJ
Thanks, Danny!
Look closer, Claire. There’s a door there somewhere…
Hah! You could be right.
This was an extremely compelling and beautiful read, Claire! There is mystery and magic, and perhaps some super-natural, or natural danger there, where the path stops abruptly. Love the vivid visualization of the entire walk into and the run out of the woods.
Thanks, so pleased you liked it!
The pleasure was mine. Thank you, and you’re welcome!
An excellently written story of fear. Did you mean to write ‘heels and souls’? Or ‘soles’? It works either way.
Definitely ‘souls’ – to give a suggestion that other things than live humans might have passed that way before. Glad you liked it.
I love the mix here of the refined and precise with the build up of the sinister.
For me it feels very much in the tradition of Daphne du Maurier (as mentioned already). I can hear Vivien Leigh reading this in her most English of accents with a slightly edge.
I LOVE the title and the play on words that carries you through the story.
I’ve done that as kid. Of course now that I am older and braver it will never happen again. Never 😉
I think we’ve all done it (do it)
Intriguing take on the prompt. She may be running from her own fears …. Nicely done.
I hadn’t really thought of that, but perhaps you’re right.
Beautiful and descriptive, the ending was a nice surprise. I like the juxtaposition of the fear with the familiar.
Thanks, Erin. Glad you liked it.
A fascinating story. Evocative images, and I love the mystery.
Thanks Margaret.
Fascinating piece; for me it refers to the anxiety posed by facing paths ahead in life that are unclear. Things are all right when you’re on the accepted path, but not when it dead ends ahead. Makes you want to turn around and run back where it’s safe.
Nice way of seeing it.
I feel like the forest is trying to swallow her up and that is why she runs.
That’s exactly the kind of feeling I was trying to convey. Thanks, Dawn
Loved the heels and souls line – not only clever, but also foreshadowing something mysterious; perhaps supernatural?
It’s straightforward and simple language throughout this, which I think works with the unusual situation and unreality (the heavily trafficed road, the suddenly terminating path, etc)… it’s subdued.
And I agree on that last line – again, its simply put but quite dramatic.
Cheers
KT
Ahh, thanks so much, KT. Glad you liked it.
I feel like I just dropped into one another one of your novels… wonderful!
Thanks so much, Dawn.
“Heels and souls.” Is an interesting turn of phrase. It takes the mind in so many directions.
Thanks, Joseph. Glad it worked for you.
Great ending line! Enjoyed the read!