Cara goes by bicycle to the village shop. The sky is polished blue.
As I lie down with Peter in the grassy hollow I imagine Cara peddling home, into the sun.
Time slows: minutes become hours
Peter turns towards me.
Hours become days
I think of Cara squinting, stopping.
Days become weeks
Peter leans forward.
Weeks become months
I picture Cara pushing the bicycle, head bowed.
Months become years
One first kiss, and a shadow falls. We shade our eyes, look up. Cara, her face dark under her hat, frowns.
***
This is a Friday Fictioneers story: a 100-word piece inspired by the picture (this week provided by Sandra Crook). Friday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Click here to read other people’s stories, or here to join in.
I’d love to know what you think – constructive criticism gratefully received – leave a comment below.
Nicely done. Love it!
Thank you!
Dear Claire,
There’s such a sense of passing time as we see Cara peddling and, later pushing. I am, however, mystified by Cara and who she might be. That doesn’t detract from my enjoyment of the story as a whole, though. Well written as I’d expect and am never disappointed.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. I’m not completely sure who Cara is in this piece. Peter’s girlfriend? Their mutual friend? Glad you enjoyed it though.
It’s an interesting depiction of the passing of time, the stretching of time. They’ve waited so long for that first kiss, and possibly savoured every moment in that build up. Or they’ve been smoking something – it can give that effect.
Cara could of course be her lover.
Worth a few rereads.
Of course – I love that idea that Cara could be the narrator’s lover. (Or that the narrator is a man and his lover is Cara.)
I don’t know why, but I imagine Cara is her sister. Exquisitely crafted story, the parallel between Cara’s slow progression and time passing creates a very strong atmosphere. As always, I enjoy your writing.
Could be… So glad you liked it.
Lovely writing Claire.
Thank you!
Beautifully lethargic, full of promise and forbidden deeds. I felt quite drowsy, reading it.
Hah, that’s so good to hear. Thanks Sandra.
Very romantic.
Thank you! (And thanks for the email)
I feel for Cara. She should give Rex a phone…he’ll sort Peter out.
Hahahha. You’re going to be so disappointed if you ever read Swimming Lessons. #WheresRex?
Elegant. I like the rhythm of this piece. Again, I am struck by how the regular contributors to this prompt strike on similar themes. Sometimes it’s plot, sometimes it’s subject matter. This time it’s rhythm.
That’s interesting. I haven’t had a chance to read many others – tomorrow.
Really well done. It made me think of time stopping when you’re with someone special. It seemed Cara was racing to get there before the kiss.
Oh, good. That’s what I was hoping you’d feel. Thanks for reading and your kind comments.
😉
I really liked how you waved the story… it’s a little bit mysterious (and that’s OK with me) For me Cara is the third wheel in a love triangle.. somehow I see a story of a love won and a friend lost… This was more poetry than fiction for me.
Could be the third wheel. I like that. Thanks, Bjorn.
Claire,
Great story! I know that sense of time speeding up and slowing down when you are in love. It seems that Cara did not follow the same slowing time frame as the other two. I’m guessing that Peter is Cara’s boyfriend maybe?
I think she probably is. Thanks David.
I think of the Small Faces Lazy Sunday: Close my eyes and drift away…
Great song, great story, as always you say so much in 100 words.
Um, dare I say pedalling?
Oh yes. I love that song. Pedalling??
Oh jings, have I got this wrong?
I took it Cara was on a bike, pedalling home.
Sorry.
No, that’s right. She is on a bike pedalling home. I just wasn’t sure what you meant by it. But not to worry!
I love this. Time really seems to stand still while reading. This is exactly how time feels when that first kiss finally, finally comes. To me Cara at first read like a child, then as the narrator’s lover or potential lover. Somehow I didn’t see Cara with Peter. I think that’s because the narrator constantly has Cara on her mind, even while waiting for that kiss. If there wasn’t some guilt involved, why think about her all the time instead of thinking of Peter?
Perhaps because Cara is the narrators best friend and Peter’s lover? I don’t know really. I just wrote it!
If she was that worried about Cara she should have found a different man! But you portrayed the timeless wating for that first kiss beautifully.
Sometimes love takes you, and you don’t want to find another man…
Clocks are dripping uselessly under that polished blue sky – then Cara turns up with a bump back to reality. Love the surreal quality.
Thank you. That’s a nice way of putting it.
This reminded me a little of Atonement for some reason – feels old and honest and dangerous and altogether quite wonderful.
Thank you! That’s a wonderful thing to say. I love Atonement.
First kiss, first love…time really does come to a standstill. You did a lovely job describing it.
BTW, I thought of Cara as her little sister.
I love the sky polished blue and lying down in the grassy hollow. It really sets the tone. Nice, Claire.
Incredibly clever. Loved it.
This was wonderful, Claire. I love how your readers have interpreted it in so many ways. Bravo!
I loved the sense of time rushing and standing still.
I like to think the storyteller is stealing the kiss before Cara comes in and ruins it.
A delightful tale which allows the reader to interpret as they wish.
‘About Harry’, my 100 words!
Nice take on this prompt. I wonder, is Cara jealous or is there something else?
I’m not completely sure. Might be something else. Glad you liked it.
Nicely done. The relationship with Peter seems to be hinged around Cara…interesting.
Yes, something’s going on. Thanks for reading.
I love the slow easy feel to this, quite a lazy yet somehow menacing story. Worried what Cara may do..
Well done Clare.
Me too… Thanks Dee
This is a well constructed scene with mounting tension. In reading it, I felt the sense of foreboding and forbidden temptation. You brought it all together in a short 100 words. I enjoyed it.
Loved this! You’ve created a beautiful tension and left the reader wondering and wanting more. Clever you!
Thanks, Susan
Your story makes me think of a Salvador Dali clock. Very good manipulation of time and pace.
Hah! I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks Margaret
Oh! Very intriguing.. I like the relationship between these three.. this would be great as a novel!
Thanks Lori. I think they might feature in my third one.
My Pleasure, Claire… Awesome! I look forward to reading about them!