In the autumn of 1968 Cara Adamo alighted from the 15.47 at Napoli station. As agreed, she sat on one of the hard benches in the waiting room, her suitcase by her side and the baby – Alberto – sleeping in the crook of her arm. The 18.20 was late and the room soon filled with hot, bored and eventually, angry passengers. Cara looked up each time the door opened. At 19.05 the room emptied, leaving behind only the bitter smell of coffee. Alberto woke and cried when the 20.47 pulled in and no one entered. She fed him. At 21.17 Cara Adamo caught the train home.
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This is a 100-word (or so) flash fiction story inspired by the picture (supplied this week by J Hardy Carroll). It’s part of Friday Fictioneers – a group of online writers who write and upload a weekly piece of flash fiction. Click here to join in, and here to read other people’s.
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I asked Lutyens & Rubinstein, an independent bookshop in Notting Hill, London some questions.
I like how you can make so much of a story that is just a glimpse, and still create a story in my head… I can only guess who she waited for, and I have to guess what happened before and afterward…still the story becomes complete.
Thanks Bjorn. But you do know what that shows don’t you? What a brilliant imagination YOU have!
I just hope she took the baby with her. So many unanswered questions, and all because of the phrase “as agreed”. Nicely done.
Thanks Sandra. That’s interesting about the baby, because I did have for the last line, ‘they’ caught the train home, and then changed it to ‘Cara Adamo’ caught the train home, without really thinking why. So now I suppose it’s up to your imagination what she did with the baby.
Changing that line completely changes the way the story leaves you. I think this ending is way, way better. The other ending would have been fairly dull i.e. no sense of “What the hell just happened there!”…lol.
Thanks Paul. But funny how that just happened. I love it when writing does stuff at an almost subconscious level
My imagination is running wild!
Like Sandra’s, that was my first thought, as well. I re-read that last bit, looking for the baby. It made me anxious.
A stunning story, Claire – there were so many scenarios running through my head, but the one that stayed was the one that made me anxious.
Thank you. Making a reader anxious is a big compliment.
You’re welcome! Indeed!
Dear Claire,
Having recently taken a long trip via train, I can relate well to the waiting room. I found myself feeling hot and sticky. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. They aren’t very nice places, except for people watching.
I hate the feeling of disappointment and abandonment.
Great story.
Thank you!
The metronimic quality of the arrivals and departures should have been dreadful, like a laundry list. But they weren’t. They were what made the story
Thanks Neil. That’s what stations are all about – the times of the trains; the people waiting
This is heart-wrenching. There is so much I want to know!
Thanks Clare – me too!
I was so upset for her, and felt the disappointment, her weariness in that oppressive place… it never even occurred to me that she may not have taken Alberto with her. I thought he was important to her and the story since you gave us his name.
Yes, definitely important, but that wouldn’t necessarily mean that she takes him with her…
The feel of the narrative is solid, objective. Makes me wonder if there was such a thing that happened back in 1968.
Was there?
Not that I know of. I made it all up.
Waiting wasted!
What a wonderful, brilliantly constructed story. You hint at so much on such – we want to know why she was there, who she was supposed to meet and what they were doing. Where’s her husband? What happened to the person she’s supposed to meet? Questions, questions. Brilliantly done. Love how all of our takes on the same pic are so different. Great stuff
Thanks so much Lynn. All writing should be about more questions than answers, I think.
My pleasure. And short fiction is so often that – backstory crowding the back of your brain, both as a reader and a writer.
I love pretty much anything you write, Claire, but I’m constantly impressed with what you do in 100 words! The use of the time is compelling and really pulled me in, as a reader. The words “as agreed,” left me hanging, as was Cara; this is just spellbinding.
One thought: the term “waiting room” through me out of the story for a moment. I think of a waiting room as a hospital, or something other than a train station. I had to re-read it. I think “station” would work as well, and not confuse. A thought, in an otherwise incredible story.
PS) love, love, love your new photo with the red dress! It just jumps out at us… wonderful!
That’s a really good point, about waiting room. (I’m constantly impressed with your critiquing).
As in: hmm, mind your own bee’s wax, Dawn! 😉 I do a LOT of editing… hard to turn it off, when I read anything.
No, definitely not in that way. I love getting feedback – it’s the best way to see your own writing through someone else’s eyes. Keep it coming!
There’s so much in this to set the imagination going. Who’s she waiting for, what will happen to them both now whoever they were waiting for hasn’t arrived?
Thanks Mick.
I appreciate the ambiguity and the feeling of wanting to know more. Great set up for a longer story.
Thanks Erin.
I am definitely wondering about the baby and the words, “as agreed.” So much to think about. I really sensed the atmosphere and all the waiting and watching of time. Great piece, Claire.
Thanks Amy
So sad. In my reading she’s unmarried and just now learns the father has rejected her and is denying that Alberto is his. She and the baby are returning home to mother who will say, “I told you so.” But I suspect I’m being pessimistic. He could have missed his train.
I think you could be right Nan.
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I feel her disappointment but I’m not sure why.
Thanks Dawn. I like it that you don’t know why.
Great story, Claire. I could imagine her disappointment. It’s terrible to be kept waiting, especially when the person never shows up for one reason or another. It’s so sad that she may have left the baby there. Well written as always. —- Suzanne
Thanks Suzanne – glad it made you think.
Excellent story, Claire – says so much yet leaves so much to the imagination.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
Thanks Susan.