The teeth grinding and sobbing wake me. It’s disconsolate, broken-hearted, a funeral kind of weeping. I hear it through the wall, and I pull the cord with the red triangle. The nurses’ station buzzer sounds and shoes squeak on linoleum. The crying stops.
‘Where’s the fire, Mrs Jellico,’ the girl asks, although she knows I have no words left.
When she’s plumped my pillow and gone, the noise starts again. Keening, moaning, grinding. I rap on the wall.
The nurse is back, syringe in one hand, eyes kind. ‘Shh,’ she says. ‘Shh, Mrs Jellico. Not long now.’
The crying fades.
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Hear me read:
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I’m not sure exactly how I got from the photo to this story; perhaps milling = grinding = teeth. Anyway, I got there. This is a Friday Fictioneers story of 100-words inspired by a weekly photo posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. This week’s photo is provided by Shaktiki Sharma. Click here to join in and write your own story, or here to read other people’s.
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Last week I was asked by Penguin books to provide some tips about writing flash fiction, and they’ve just gone live on the Penguin website. Do take a look. I will be posting this piece on my own website in the future, so if you have any you’d like to add, please comment below here, and I’ll add them to the post, credit you and link to your website.
Beautifully observed, masterfully understated, and achingly sad
Thanks Neil. What every writer likes to hear.
I took the connection of the grinding. A very tragic tale, very well written.
Thanks Iain. It’ll come to us all
Loved the tips on flash fiction. Let me think about whether I have any more
That would be great!
your list has stimulated me to write a post about it. It’s too long to post here in the middle of your comments. I’m not sure how to share with you
Hi Clare,
I posted my take on flash fiction here https://neilmacdonaldauthor.wordpress.com/2016/09/18/79-flash-in-the-pan-tips-for-writing-flash-fiction/
Feel free to use any of them
Neil
Dear Claire,
You know I love a story that only glances at the prompt. You did it very well. Atmospheric and achingly well written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks so much Rochelle. You know none of these would exist without you.
Painfully realistic tale, so subtly portrayed.
Love the writing, love the reading.
Although I suspect that in reality you and I would not move in the same social circles!
Thank you. And hah! I’ve just been here too long to not sound posh. Doesn’t mean I am!
This is like pillars in a cathedral. It outlines the shape and shadow, yet creates an illusion of a great vast emptiness. Really well done.
Lovely way of putting it. Thank you.
Lovely way of putting it. Thank you
I agree with Rochelle, achingly well written and very atmospheric. ” … although she knows I have no words left.” Such a wonderful phrase.
Oh my goodness. This is haunting. Masterfully executed 🙂
Such a sad tale, beautifully written.
Poor Mrs Jellico, trapped in an institution, trapped by her own body it seems and trapped in the nightmare of other people’s suffering. Real or imagined, the noises are torture for her. Beautiful and sad story.
Congrats on the flash fiction piece for Penguin – all great tips. I, like you, love where flash takes you, your mind spinning in all directions and what a perfect form to practice brevity – no space for anything other than the essentials. I find that with most of my stories, I’ve already filled in some back story of the characters – maybe some future too – and that the piece I write is the point of action, the twist, the fulcrum on which an entire story would turn.
Love the name. Think I might use it 🙂
This is painful and clear to read… great choice of name, and the noise so well described. It makes me wonder how my own end will be… maybe I hope for a nurse like this by my side.
Such a picture you built, so realistic, I was there. Mike
So beautifully expressed. The despair, the emptiness, the suffering and the waiting. I’m pretty speechless myself.
And congrats on the Penguin piece. 🙂
Thanks Sandra. Means a lot coming from such a great writer.
Very sad and realistic. I see the grinding of teeth and crying as her own, trapped inside her, like her voice. Great writing.
Exactly. And thank you.
Carefully constructed and a knock-out of a piece. Swell take on the prompt, Claire!
Gee, you read GREAT! Keep it going (well, when you can). 🙂
Thank you!
What a heart-breaker of a story! Poor Mrs Jellico.
Who cares how you got there? I’m just glad you did. Great story. When my mom was dying the hospice nurse told my sisters and me to “sedate” mom when she got too agitated and grasped for things mid-air – none existence things she saw and felt. We seldom did it because it left her so lethargic, she couldn’t move for hours. You caught that in this piece.
I’m lucky not to have had this happen to someone close to me, so it is a huge compliment to say I caught it from someone who has experienced them. (And I’m so sorry you all had to go through that)
(non-existent! Dang, I hate it when I don’t proofread.) Thanks for your kind thoughts.
What a state to be in – trapped but still sensitive. Atleast the nurse was kind.
Great one!
Btw read the points. Great ones. Will be using it to post on my wall. Congrats!
Thank you!
What tragic beings we can be. So sad. But a great story! 🙂
Thanks Sonny. I agree. Sad.
Anyone who’s been to a nursing home understands. Great writing, Claire. —- Suzanne
Thanks Suzanne
Perfectly weighted story, sad and poignant. But tinged with the strange relief one feels at such a time.
Thank you.
Her helplessness and confusion are palpable in your story. I’m just horrified by conditions that leave you conscious and functioning inside but shut off and unable to express anything. Your story captures those feelings. Gripping.
It must be awful. Thanks Margaret
Was this murder?
No, definitely not. Someone at the end of her days and the nurse helping.
This story is going to stay with me for a long time
Thank you!
Interesting take on the photo. Love being in Mrs. Jellico’s head… I wonder if that’s what it’s like. I suppose.
Fun to read and then hear you read. I am seriously thinking of stealing your recording idea for my stories.
You should definitely steal my recording idea. I’d love to hear your voice reading your stories. Plus it isn’t my idea, I stole it from C.E.Ayr.
Elegantly executed 🙂
Thank you!