When things got really bad Cara unlocked the door to the old brew house. In one corner a huge vat squatted, as if awaiting its moment of escape. A rusting metal walkway ran around the inside walls, and under it was a scattering of broken things: chairs, tools, tyres, and other rubbish. A stinking and stained mattress was dumped in the middle. Cara undressed, and lay on it, face and palms upwards, waiting. Sometimes she had to wait for an hour or even two, but they always came if she was silent and still enough. The rats always came back.
*
Sorry my story is so dark this week, when the picture is so lovely. I should be happy, I have good news – my first novel, Our Endless Numbered Days has been longlisted for the International Dublin Literary Award. It is a very long longlist, but lovely to be on it.
*
This is a 100-word Friday Fictioneers short story inspired by the picture above, provided to us by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (every week) and (this week) C.E. Ayre.
That was both dark and actually nauseating… The reason she lies there waiting for the rats is for me extremely too chilling to contemplate.
Thanks Bjorn… I think… 😉
Oh it’s deliciously dark….
Yes, your story is dark – and hauntingly beautiful. It’s especially beautiful when words both surprise and frighten. Writing lets all the deep thoughts and fears surface.
Thank you! I’m not completely sure why she’s doing what she’s doing, but you’re correct about the writing.
Rex will be on hand shortly to deal with the rats, and then Cara. Saucy minx that she is.
Hhahaha. Bad Rex.
Dear Claire,
I have the sense that Cara has some deep-seeded emotional problems. Disturbingly well written. The idea of waiting for rats made me cringe.
On a brighter note, congratulations on being listed. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. Me too (the cringing).
What a story, dark and dreary. My skin is crawling, nicely done.
Thank you. Sorry about that!
Don’t be. 😀
From your mind, the words crept, And into mine. And they raised the hairs on my arms.
Congratulations on the Dublin listing. It’s a very very fine story
Thank you!
Yegads, Claire, what a horror!
Superbly flesh-creeping, makes my stuff look like sunshine in spring.
And congratulations on well-deserved recognition.
PS I do wish you had read this one!
Thanks! Damn, I keep forgetting about the recording. Next week…
Loved this – drabbles are a challenge but often worth the effort. I used to keep pet rats so I’m imagining this has a happy ending and they just come along to lick her fingers. Big Congratulations on the Dublin Award – what kudos!
Hah – this actually made me laugh. Yes, I love that idea – turn it on its head and make them lick her fingers. Lovely.
Perfect story for November. 🙁 Congrats on the long longlist. Fingers crossed!
Thanks Sandra
Congratulations on the long-listing. Very dark story to celebrate with, quite horrific in fact! 🙂
Yes, sorry about that! But thanks!
Love your description of the brew house – you take us right there. And love the psychology here – twisted but believable. Congrats on the longlisting – brilliant news. So really, all your fiction should now be happy, smiley with puppies and kittens 🙂
Thanks Lynn. It should… but somehow…
We’re so often drawn to the dark, eh? The devil has the best tunes after all 🙂
Yes, he has…
🙂
Twisted!!!!! 🙂
Yes! Thanks.
First of all, congrats on the listing. It was such a wonderful book and deserves to be there!
Second of all. Ewwww! My skin is crawling and I like Tracy’s idea…
Thanks Dale, and sorry it was such a horrible story this week – it just came out like that!
Ha ha… not horrible writing-wise!
Perhaps this was very grim, yet I saw something rather different, a link to the under world perhaps,
Very dark, vividly described and also disturbing.
I wonder… with the dark confined space and the rats… have you been watching too much I’m A Celebrity? 😉
Hah – no, not at all. Maybe reading 1984 too often…
that was haunting, uncomfortably good 🙂
Thanks, Helen.
This totally creeps me out, and I mean that as a compliment. I have a feeling that the situation with the rats reminds her of something in her past that broke her, like the title implies. Maybe she tries to find a way to become whole again?
I think it’s a bit like self-harming, but yes, definitely stuff in her past. Glad you liked it.
Hmm – New Year challenge, an upbeat Friday Fiction, using that same in-the-guts punch that you put into the dark ones?
I’ll try…
I’m with Dale on that idea of Tracy’s. Doesn’t have to be dark, although, I expected as much when a prompt like this week’s evokes a lot of suspicion.
Congratulations on the longlist, Claire! We’re pulling for ya!
Thank you!
This is the kind of thing that will give me nightmares!
Oh..and yes..pulling for you we are! 🙂
Such a tragic figure. It’s like humanity has let her down so badly that she can only allow herself to befriend the rats.
At the same time, I have a border collie cavalier who is quite a hunting dog and exceptionally friendly. So, I can’t help seeing her racing in chasing the rats and wagging her tail, adding quite a different dimension to your story. However, knowing how she can’t help rolling in dead critters, that’s a whole different sort of horror..
Congratulations on the award listing. It’s always nice to be acknowledged.
xx Rowena
Thanks Rowena. Oh that dog-roll-dead-animal-smell is not good.
That’s really horrific, a huge step onwards from self-harming. I found myseld wondering if the rats had four legs or two.
That did occur to me after I’d written it, but even worse than rats.
It was such a benign story at first. You took me into that abandoned space that is why the ending hit home so hard. It sent shivers down my spine.
Greetings, Claire!
A lovely story…I’ll echo a few others and call it chilling. It has a great flow and really leaves you wondering about her motivation to seek out such darkness.
Congrats on the long list!
Happy trails!
Hello! Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.
Very disturbing and from the strength of the writing as much as the subject matter. (Although rats are the best thing you could have chosen to set me off, snakes or spiders wouldn’t have done it)
Thanks Michael. I think I dislike them all equally (no phobias though)
Congratulations on the long-listing! Cara seems seriously disturbed!
Yes, I think she must be. And thank you!
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This story’s really delving into some deep and murky areas of the subconscious – very chilling. Congratulations on the listing – brilliant.
Thanks Margaret
Congratulations on your book being listed. Really dark story. I agree this woman has serious problems. In the mountains of India I had something jump in a window, onto my bed, then onto the floor. I hate to even think what it was. It could have been a rat. I certainly wasn’t waiting for it. Ugh. 🙂 — Suzanne
Urgh Suzanne, what a horrible thing to happen. Yes, best not even to think about what it was.