‘Henry,’ he said. ‘Please.’
‘Henry,’ she replied, but silently she said, ‘Doctor Berrisford,’ thinking about all the people he’d touched, and the parts of them he’d seen that no one else ever had.
‘We know each other well enough now, don’t we?’ When he smiled she could imagine the boy he once must have been.
‘Jean,’ she said. ‘Or Jeanie. Whichever you prefer.’
‘Jeanie,’ he said, taking her hand. She waited, not knowing quite for what or how these things were done.
The outside door opened and the wind swept in Julius. Jean pulled her hand out from Doctor Berrisford’s.
*
This is a 100-word piece of flash fiction, inspired by the photo above (provided by JS Brand). Apologies that it’s more of a scene than a story, but I’m thinking about characters for my fourth book, and this name just seemed to work. It’s a Friday Fictioneers story, a world-wide group of writers looked after by Rochelle Wisoff-fields. Anyone can write something and join in. Click here for more information.
*
I’ve been away from Friday Fictioneers for a while, but I have been busy. I met fellow FF, Neil MacDonald, and had the pleasure of judging the Farnham Short Story competition for his writing group. He interviewed me about my writing, here. And, the paperback of my second novel, Swimming Lessons, has been published by Tin House in the US, and Penguin in the UK.
I warmed to these characters and their unspoken yearnings.
Thanks Neil. Just trying stuff out.
I’ve written 30 novels and over 200 short stories.
Half have been published but I’ve still received – nothing!
How do I get published by a decent publisher?
Gil
It can be a long slow slog. You’ve got to get a literary agent first if you want a ‘decent’ publisher. Thirty novels is a lot, and possibly might even put some people off. Perhaps focus on getting one absolutely perfect?
Dear Claire,
I’m intrigued by these two. I cringed a bit when she thought about who the doctor had touched and where. I understand about posting scenes. I’ve been doing a lot that. Good one in any event.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle!
Poor Doctor Berrisford, defeated by the elements and bad timing. I, too, instantly took to these characters.
I loved this scene – and I found myself rooting for them
Thanks Dale.
I love the way you show the secret love. The formal title in her mind, the fact that he’s the one pushing the relationship. This is how it should be done: you tell us almost nothing, yet show us everything. Everyone should aspire to write so well.
Ahh, thank you so much.
I like reading scenes – that snippet into something larger.
Thanks!
You’ve written that with such a delicate touch. It’s beautiful. I’m sure Doctor Berrisford will eventually win her hand, as he’s already won her heart.
Hah, I think you might be right.
I loved this, Claire. Your depiction of the characters is superb, but unlike everyone else above, I didn’t like them.
Thank you, and interesting! I’m still getting to know them. Yet to make my mind up…
Couldn’t tell if Jeanie were a willing participant or not.
Perhaps she doesn’t know yet. But that’s useful to know that you couldn’t tell.
I just hope she can.
Not sure Jeanie would ever get those unwelcome images out of her head. Brilliantly uncomfortable piece. I’m left wanting more and trying to fill in the gaps. For example, I don’t think the good but somewhat timid doctor will win her heart especially as I have decided Julius is Jeanie’s fly-in-the-ointment son. And you achieved all that in a hundred words!
Thanks Jilly. It’s so useful to know what the reader’s thoughts are when I’m just starting out with these characters. Julius, I think, is her fly-in-the-ointment brother!
I was a bit put off by the good doctor. Professional ethics and all that. Really great scene, Claire, making me wish for a conclusion 🙂
Thanks! And yes, there is that – professional ethics.
I am imagining a young and naive Jeanie and a almost middle aged gynaecologist(?), Dr. Berrisford, really attracted to each other . I wonder how the relationship will shape up for them, if it will end well.
Wonderfully written, Claire.
Thank you! I love those imaginings. I’m still not sure who they are.
A nice level of sexual tension here, Claire – wondering if something has happened between them before or if this is the first time. Great writing. Congrats on all you’ve been up to – sounds like a productive time
I reckon there might have been some hints, but this is the first real time. I think it’s rural England in late 1960s, so things would move pretty slowly then, and still be quite formal.
Well, they failed to connect this time, but maybe next time she needs a doctor …
Hah! Yes, indeed.
I’ll write my own ending then! Next time Henry makes certain Julius is somewhere else and Jeannie accepts him. And of course they live happily ever after, have a raft of kids, and live to a healthy old age.
I imagine so much from this scene and the comments… the third person perspective where I imagined I was reading it from a first person narrative, I seem to be be inside her, and the conflict between the two men rippling underneath…. great way to test out your writing.
Thanks Bjorn.
I kept thinking – childhood friends but adult strangers. Or rather old fashioned – needing to introduce themselves. I enjoyed reading this.
Thanks James.
This played out in my mind like a scene from a black and white movie, her breathy, him with clipped words. Delightful Claire.
Yes, I think it’s set in the past. The 1960s probably.
I can feel the awkwardness between these characters, and it makes me feel awkward, too. Nicely done!
It’s an enticing read.
The scene was painted so well i could see it happening right in front of me. I also couldnt help but feel she has been perhaps abused by a doctor or even a nurse.
Creating a scene again Claire? But we will let you do it as you do it so well 🙂
There did seem to be a strained chemistry between them. But, the interruption leaves us wondering
if they can recapture the moment again. I loved this, Claire. I know there is more to come.
Isadora 😎
Thank you!