The word had come when she was sleeping. A hammering on the door, loud enough to wake the dead. She was already dressed, only her boots to pull on, the flambeau leaning in a corner. Outside, she ignored the advancing cliff-face of sea-mist, refusing to think about the horrors it must contain.
Three tries to light the flambeau; four agonising minutes for the bonfire to catch. But as the flames surged upwards she saw smoke rising from the neighbouring headland, and the next and the next. And she thought that maybe there was still time for them to be saved.
***
This is a 100-word story for Friday Fictioneers brought to us by the wonderful writer Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. I didn’t see observatories when I first looked at the picture, so I went with my first impression. The image this week is supplied by the amazing writer, Doug Macilroy. Click here to join in with Friday Fictioneers, or here to read other’s.
***
This week Dawn Landau’s (a fellow Friday Fictioneer) book group is meeting to discuss my novel, Our Endless Numbered Days, which they’ve been reading. Because of the time difference, I won’t be able to Skype with them, but I have answered their questions by email. If any other book groups are interested in reading Our Endless Numbered Days, I’d be really happy to get involved in the same way. Let me know!
It reminds me of Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings and the lighting of the beacons of Gondor.
Good piece.
I don’t know those films very well, but it sounds good to me!
The beacon sequence is a really clever piece of cinema, though only a few minutes long. Worth watching if you can spare the time.
Thanks! A great piece of cinema!
JRR TOLKIEN
Wonderful photograph, Claire. I recently watched that old ’70s classic The Man Who Fell to Earth a scene from which popped into my head as soon as I saw it.
Thanks Susan. It’s years since I’ve seen that. It is an amazing picture.
Great imagery in this.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Good story, Claire. I’m sure lighting beacons was standard for people needing help in distant areas before better communications. In the Lord of the Rings trilogy it took place in the third book, The Return of the King. It was very dramatic in the movie. Good description and tension. Well done as always. 🙂 — Suzanne.
Thanks Suzanne. I have no idea what’s coming for them in the sea-mist, or even whether they’re in the past or the future…
Dear Claire,
I felt the tension and urgency in this one. Masterful writing as always.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle, and for managing to find the time to stop by!
This was exciting, I could really feel the tension building up.
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
The thought of lighting up the beacon is great, the desperation in the thought of what the sea-mist might contain added a lot for me.
Thanks, Bjorn. But can you tell me what’s in the sea-mist? I have no idea!
Neither do I .. but it will keep me awake tonight..
Reminded me of that film The Fog. I think it had pirate ghosts lurking in the fog. Petrified me when I was younger. Nicely done, Clare.
One of my all time faves (the original).
I don’t know it. Worth watching now??
Pirate ghosts sound scary. I’ll have to look that one up. Thanks, Sandra.
I like a good sea-mist, cliffs, burning torches etc. Makes me want to read some Poldark. Oh, and thanks for the new word…Flambeau 🙂
It was new to me too, but a nice word. Have you been watching Poldark?
Oh aye. Love all that Cornish scenery, Tin miners and stuff. Smashing.
I felt the urgency, tension and perhaps hopelessness of this piece.
Tracey
Thanks, Tracey. Hopefully a little hope at the end with the beacons lit…
Claire,
Good story. I like the mystery you weave and leave the reader to ponder. “Loud enough to wake the dead” seems a bit cliché, but other than that, I wouldn’t change a thing.
All my best,
Marie Gail
Hmm, good point! I didn’t think about that hard enough. I’ll leave it in, but watch out for them cliches next time! Thank you.
So much drama in this little scene, it makes me feel like I’m deep in an epic. Nice writing, as usual
Thanks, Jen. Glad you liked it.
Really good drama — and mystery. Had my total attention from the beginning. And, concerning Marie Gail’s comment about the “loud enough to wake the dead” phrase — just for the sake of looking at it from another perspective — I think it fits perfectly because it adds an ironical, forboding note to the scene in which she is obviously struggling to keep death at bay.
I think though that she’s got a point – I could have thought of something else which perhaps referenced the dead or something scary without it being a cliche. Will try harder next time 🙂
Very Vivid. You had me on the edge of my seat this whole time. I really enjoyed it.
Thank you – really pleased you liked it.
Very tense. I want to know what happens!
Thank you! But I have no idea…
I have to echo what other commenters have said–love the build-up of tension, the imagery, the mystery. A scary thriller!
Thanks, Jan. Glad you liked it.
brought to mind the image of Paul Revere story of one If by land, and two if by sea. I hope they’re saved. But we always hope for the best, don’t we?
randy
I don’t know that story. I’ll go and look it up. Thanks!
Wonderful Claire. I want to see how they get out of this spot.
Thank you! I’d like to know too!
Very dramatic scene, Claire. I like the three tries to light and the four minutes to catch while the mist is rising. Wonderful. (I’m reading your book. It’s amazing!)
Thanks Amy. Glad you liked the story, and so pleased you’re enjoying Our Endless Numbered Days. Do let me know what you think when you finish!
Oh, now I have to read Our Endless Numbered Days! 🙂
You should, Adam! Do it!
Lovely build up here. Hope they all make it (boots and all).
Thanks Patrick. Me too!
Beacon scene…Seems like the kind of story that might inspire a larger work. Thank you!
Thanks!
Really brings home the Beacon (sorry couldn’t resist). Great build up of the simmering tension in this story.
But then you spoiled it all by using ‘simmering tension’, surely the tension should be ‘frying’ ??
Response to threat seems universal, and what we don’t see scares us more than what we see. I, too, love the build-up of tension, and wonder what’s in the mist. The Fog is definitely worth a watch if you don’t mind a bit of horror in movies.
I knew exactly what you described with the beacons. Great job.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
Great story with a really good build-up of tension. I wonder what might be lurking in the sea-mist…?
Whatever it is, I don’t think it’s good.
Great story, beautifully written. What was coming in the mist?
I don’t know! I wish I did. Thanks for reading
A story of hope…that’s good.
Yes – I don’t often write that sort! 😉
No you don’t!
I could see myself out there already, Claire. Wonderful work! The way the descriptions are mixed with emotions … just terrific. 🙂
Thanks, so glad you enjoyed it.
Great story and a fab take on the prompt. I can really picture the beacons all lit up and everyone ready for whatever comes out of the mist. Or is it the mist itself that’s the danger? Fantastic Claire 🙂
Thanks Heidi. I think something is in the mist, but no idea what!
Wonderful mood of tension and urgency, and the details build the scene viidly. Great story.
Thanks, Margaret. So glad you liked it.
You bring a tension, an immediate sense of fear here, really strongly in the piece. I get a Lovecraftian feel, like the mists horrors are eldritch & gibbering… Then again, that might just be me 🙂
Nicely done.
KT
That’s a huge compliment – thank you!
Dear Claire,
In another time and place, this happened again and again. Your story is suffused with light, just like the prompt. I want to live in that world.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks Doug, and for such an amazing picture this week which has inspired so many wonderful stories.
Great story. Some wonderful mystery and tension in your 100 words.
Something wicked this way comes… great story!
Thanks, Amie. Glad you liked it.
Claire
Oh gods! What’s coming to get them?
I don’t know… how evil is your imagination…?
Excellent.
Nice to finish on a note of hope. You could feel the pressure to get that beacon lit – four attempts she must have been beside herself.
Thanks Irene. I don’t often finish on hope, so I was pleased too!
Wonderful story, Claire! The image does indeed look like warning pyres… love where you took this!
We all loved OEND and will send our thoughts later! It’s been a busy few days. We all particularly loved your answers to our questions– thoughtful, candid and engaging! Thanks so much Claire!
Thanks so much Dawn. Glad you liked the story, and look forward to receiving your thoughts when you get the time – I know what it’s like.
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Dear Claire, Wonderful story and Pure Evil is in the sea mist. You can’t outrun it or get away. Be careful! AWESOME story! Nan
I think you might be right about the sea-mist. Thanks, Nan.
Reblogged this on asyacher.
Thanks for reblogging my story.
Claire
I am new in writing but i must say i learn a lot. All in 100 words great.
Thank you for sharing
So pleased to hear that. Keep writing!
Claire
Reblogged this on anthonymanson.
Thanks for reblogging my story.
Claire
You write pretty well. Loved the picture
Do give a look to my blog too! sharmamyra.blogspot.com
Thanks. Nice looking blog! You just need to write your ‘about’ page 🙂
Reblogged this on Independenttalk.
Thanks for reblogging my story.
Claire
A great piece with a great photo! https://roman853.wordpress.com
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
Reblogged this on david35andrew.
Thanks for reblogging.
Claire
Reblogged this on BABAJI.
Thanks for reblogging
Claire
Your good at writing stories
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
Claire
Reblogged this on chaneljolene.
I love this
Thanks! So glad you liked it.
Reblogged this on knolo0505.
Gostei da foto o problema e que eu nao falo essa lingua eu sou brasileira
Eu não falo Português , mas obrigado por visitar , e eu estou contente você gostou da foto !
Hi Claire, Loved the denouement. That sentence really got me thinking about the creative possibilities. Sea mist is always so eerie.
Thanks, glad you liked it. Yes, there are pictures of sea mist where it comes over the land like a solid wall, very scary-looking.
Nice piece. I love this idea.
Thanks, glad you liked it.
Lovely writing, Claire.
With blessings,
Dani
Thanks, really pleased you liked it.
great
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
Nice flash fic, Claire. Perhaps the knocking DID wake the dead. That could be what lurks in the sea mist, the woken dead.
You could be right… Thanks for reading, and glad you enjoyed it.
Reblogged this on APP.ClickBank.
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Reblogged this on N. L. DeBruyn and commented:
This was beautiful. If only I could write flash fiction.
Thank you for reblogging. And you should try writing flash fiction – join in with Friday Fictioneers!
Reblogged this on Rebekah Arrigoni.
Reblogged this on makeyourvoicesmatter and commented:
Such simple words..which speak so much about the story.Very beautifully expressed.To me the words seem in sync with the springboard of the story.Very inspiring..I would really appreciate if u followed me …my stories are nothings like yours but with what I have I try to provide inspiration to others.I do hope that you are one of them.😆☺👓📚🎭🎲
That sea mist sounds mysterious!
I’m not sure it’s going to be nice when they discover what’s in it. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Reblogged this on The WallaBlog and commented:
A beautifully-written flash fiction piece I stumbled across in Freshly Pressed. Enjoy!
Thanks for reblogging and so pleased you enjoyed it.
Claire
It’s amazing the different take our imagination has when the eye misread! I had to look twice at the photo too.
Yes, they could so easily be fires. A beautiful photo though.
I could feel the tension, I am imagining the construction of a plot!
Thanks. Yes, perhaps something longer…
Yes, to see how the story develops!
Lord of flies indeed!🔺👍
Thanks!
Succinctly put allowing the mind to paint the image.
Thanks Jacqueline!
Reblogged this on Eye in the dark.
Reblogged this on readwhichnovels.
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I think this is a great idea, having a photo and make a story that will fit it.
You should join in