I thought I saw you today, going into 708 Fulton. You turned your head as you pushed the door open and the two hearts inside me leapt when I thought I caught a glimpse of ginger beard. Four lanes of traffic stopped to let me cross so I could hear you laugh again. The icy blast that followed me in, made the customers nearest the door glance up from their steaming coffee cups. Only the beardless man at the counter, an orange scarf still warming his neck, didn’t look at me standing there – expectant, yet already disappointed.
***
This piece of writing was inspired by the picture prompt provided by Jean L Hays for the Friday Fictioneers writing group run by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. We all attempt to write 100 words (or so); finally this week I kept it to exactly 100.
I’d love to receive comments and constructive criticism. Click here to read other people’s stories inspired by this picture or to join in.
Dear Claire,
Oh goody! I get to be first. What a beautifully written piece. I hoped with her, my heart beat with both of hers and, ultimately, my crest fell with hers. Well done. Better late than never, particularly in this case.
Shalom and a happy new year,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. I’m glad you were able to follow her emotions.
You brought me into her feelings, both up and down. My only problem was that i first read “gingerbread” instead of “ginger beard” and had to re-read. Must be a seasonal problem! 🙂
Happy New Year!
janet
Hah! Too much Christmas food?? Thanks for your kind comments Janet.
Beautifully done, as ever. You have an envious knack of delivering understated pieces that are bursting with emotional significance. Glad you made it in the end. 🙂
Thanks Sandra. It’s hard to fit everything in at Christmas, but Friday Fictioneers is nearly always on the list. (ps – love the new hat)
Thank you! It will be a temporary accessory, I think.
Fabulous story. You packed so much in to so few words. Really enjoyed it 🙂
Really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting.
This was a fun ride. Smooth and easy reading. I enjoyed this. Good Job.
Tom
Thanks for reading and commenting Tom. Glad you enjoyed it.
I liked it, once I understood it, lol, I had to slow down and take in each word, but the story was so intriguing I felt the need read it over and over again until I got it. (I’m not sure if that makes me sound dense or what) but the fact that I was willing to read it over and over again, says a lot. 🙂 (I think anyways)
Great job, expressing the emotions and vivid details of the moment.
Jodie
Definitely not you Jodie. I do like to make my writing a little cryptic – always good to make the readers work a bit too 😉 Thanks for your comments, and for persevering.
This is true, being cryptic is something I need to work on, writing wise. 🙂
that was excellent. took me another look to realize the orange scarf was what confused her as an orange beard. to be picky – i think a “ginger” beard is more like a rust color than an orange, but that’s not important. i don’t like sad things, but this is probably my favorite this week.
You have a point, and rust is a more interesting word than orange. Really glad you enjoyed it, even if it was a bit depressing! I like reading sad things, probably why I always write them…
we usually like reading anything, as long as it’s well written.
this is very lovely, a lot of images and feeling packed into a tiny piece.
Thanks, really pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
‘I thought I saw you today…’ Sad words. I liked your line ‘Four lanes of traffic stopped to let me cross…’, and I knew she wouldn’t hear the laugh. Nice.
Thanks Ted, glad you enjoyed it.
Dear Claire,
I enjoyed this piece. Was it perhaps a meditation on the color of the sun in the stained glass window? The two hearts leaping, the traffic sensing her urgency and stopping, the way she enters 078 Fulton in a rush of cold air; all these add to the growing expectaion that she might see the one she wanted to. Lovely story that pulled me along effortlessly. Thank you.
Aloha,
Doug
Perhaps the orange sun was an unconscious influence. Thanks for your comments Doug.
The emotions in this piece are really clear! Well done.