I only met him once when I was a child, at Nan’s house. She had sent us out from under her feet, with homemade lemonade lollies. We squeezed through the railings into the overgrown garden of the big house.
“Do you want to see a skeleton?” he asked. I could only nod because my tongue had become stuck to the ice.
He showed me two tombs, side by side, yellow-blotched and broken. When I refused to look inside, he left me crying in the summer nettles and cow parsley.
I was 25 when I next met Thomas, my brother.
***
This piece of writing is part of the Friday Fictioneers writing group. Each week writers from around the world attempt to write 100 words (or so) starting with a picture. This week my word count is 99.
I’d love to receive comments and constructive criticism. Click here to read other people’s stories inspired by this picture from Sarah Ann Hall or to join in with the group hosted by Rochelle Wishoff-Fields.
That’s very intriguing. It has a very subtle resolution. Am I right in thinking that the skeleton was the brother?
I thought the skeleton was the brother too. Very chilling (pun intended).
I hadn’t intended that, that the brother would be the skeleton, but on re-reading I quite like that idea and am happy that it is ambiguous.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Dear Claire,
I love the line “…he left me crying the summer nettle and cow parsley.” Almost poetic. Methinks there’s a lot more story between the lines. I enjoyed this very much.
Shalom,
Rochelle
There certainly is a lot more going on between the lines. I’m thinking about characters for a new novel.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Is this a clever ghost story or just a childhood memory of a cruel older brother? The ambiguity makes the story interesting.
Its seems it could be either, but not even I knew that as I wrote it.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
A mystical coming of age story, packed into 100 words – very well done.
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
The possibilities in this story are endless, but I choose to interpret the kindest way possible that it’s an estranged cruel brother…
Ah, that’s because you’re such a positive person Bjorn.
Thanks,
Claire
The neat thing it really can go either way. He can be a skeleton or a bratty 1/2 brother
nice that you wove that mystery in… I think Flash Fiction lends itself to mystery and intrigue
Yes, I’m pleased that the ambiguity showed itself… all by itself.. the writer didn’t have a hand in it at all.
Thanks,
Claire
So very smooth and nicely done. A great flow with your written words. Creative and well done take on the photo prompt!
Thanks Penny. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Very good!
Suspenseful, well developed and superbly written.
Loved it.
Thanks, that’s very nice of you to say so.
Claire
I didn’t get that the skeleton was Thomas but I wonder why it took so long to see his brother again.
I’m not sure. A messy divorce?
Thanks for reading and commenting
Claire
Claire, to me the story seemed very naturall. I didn’t get the feeling of Thomas being a ghost at all and I loved the story.
janet
Thanks Janet. My original intention wasn’t a ghost story, but I’m happy for people to take it any way they like in such a short piece.
Claire
Oh, what a meanie! Big brothers can be such pills at times. I’d like to know more…why was it 25 years before she saw her brother?
I’m not sure Lyn, but I might write some more to find out.
Claire
well written.. the last line made it feel like there is more to the story ?
I think there is, but I don’t know it yet!
Thanks,
Claire
A great story with so many interpretations to it. You’re teasing us here… 🙂
Hah! I didn’t have that intention when I started reading.
Claire
Intriguing! It leaves me wondering why she sees her own brother so rarely – nasty divorce? Something mentally off about him that usually keeps him confined, under treatment? I like your vivid imagery – I can feel the hot day and smell the crushed weeds and taste the sweet lemon.
I’m not sure, but I’m thinking about writing more about them so that I can find out.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Claire
Nice job. I really am curious about the greater story of this girl and her brother.
So am I. I wish someone would tell me what happens!
Claire
Children’s psychology well depicted!
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
Intriguing, with lots of possibilities to explore if you take it further. It put me in mind of a documentary I saw about the Royal Family’s dark secrets, and they had a Prince they locked away from a young age and rarely saw. Reading the comments, there seem to be lots of other scenarios to explain this brother, and I love the idea that he might be a skeleton! (But then we have been reading Skulduggery Pleasant in our house – children’s book about a detective who’s a skeleton!)
Sounds like a good book! I’m going to have to write more to see who this brother is. I have some ideas, but nothing concrete. Thanks Trudy.
Claire
I was a little confused, but the story has so many possibilities. If would definitely keep the reader on the edge of the seat if it were longer. So many questions!
Ah, well maybe that’s a good opening for something longer. Friday Fictioneers is a great place to try things out.
Thanks, Claire
Hi Claire – I love the ambiguity of this, but for me I took it as a brother who for some reason lived with his grandmother – I imagined family feuds, terrible secrets – maybe the narrator is the bastard child who was allowed to visit once? Either way, it got my imagination going which makes it a winner!
I think there are terrible family secrets. I love all these comments with different ideas – they’re really making me think.
Thanks, Claire
Is it just me or did people not read the story? Having such a brother, I can understand that it took her 25 years to want to see him again, or him her. Real. Well done.
Hah! I guess some people didn’t take it at face value. I’m happy either way.
Thanks for your comments.
Claire
I am intrigued. Loved the fullness of the characters in this Flash. Great description and lots of empathy from me towards your central character. Then to find out it was her brother. Food for thought.
Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Claire
What a sad and eerie story, with a touch of the Gothic too. Nice!
Can’t beat a touch of the gothic… Thanks Perry.
Claire
When I read they were at an answer house I assume that their parents had passed. I love the line that she had heard on stuck to the ice of the homemade lemonade lollies,. I don’t know why the two of them didn’t see children for twenty-five years. I assume that man couldn’t handle both of them. You did a great job! Randy
I’m happy for people to read any interpretation into this piece – they’re so short that there is always going to be a lot more back (and forward) story.
Thanks,
Claire
Love those children’s voices – the lolly sticking to her tongue, Tom’s brave derring-do – I could see them squeezing between the railings. I would love to know what happened in those intervening years.