“Hello? Hello? The line’s really bad. I can’t hear you.”
“We have to stop.”
“What? You’re breaking up.”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“Breaking up, yes.”
“Speak louder.”
“I can’t see you again. I shouldn’t even be calling. It’s all too risky.”
“I really can’t tell what you’re saying. I’m going to hang up and call you.”
“No!”
“Was that no? Shit. This is ridiculous. You can’t call me in the middle of the night and then not make any sense. Move to the window or something.”
“Is that better?”
“Hello? Hello?”
***
This piece of writing is part of the Friday Fictioneers writing group. Each week writers from around the world attempt to write 100 words (or so) starting with a picture. This week my word count is 89.
I’d love to receive comments and constructive criticism. Click here to read other people’s stories inspired by this picture from Danny Bowman or to join in with the group hosted by Rochelle Wishoff-Fields.
Some serious mystery here!
Isn’t it annoying when the connection is poor the very moment you want to say something important?
Are you breaking up with me by a coin operated telephone? Well, at least you were willing to invest in some change (pun intended).
Nice fun little piece. Randy
There’s a great Elvis Costello song called “Dissolve” that contains a line in it that sums up this sentiment with a delicioius double entendre: “I can’t hear you ’cause we’re breaking up.”
I love language, darling, and you used it wonderfully here.
Great dialogue. I love the way you worked the confusion and mis-understanding.
Agreeing with the above comments. I also like the title and the way it plays into the bad lines going on in the break-up.
janet
It sounds very real. Great title!
Dear Claire,
A bad line indeed. This is what I call not only a communication breakdown, but a well written dialogue as well. Good job.
shalom,
Rochelle
Breaking up is easy to do on a cell phone, but hard to do every other which way. And saying the words themselves always makes a “bad line.” Nicely done.
This is clever dialogue, easy to see how they’ve got their lines crossed 🙂
Ironic–bad communication made worse by a bad communication line. But…a great story!!!
Sounds like there is more miscommunication than just in the bad phone connection. Great story.
Great snapshot of life.
Well done!
Well that was just frustrating!
I am dense enough I had to read it a second and third time before it finally came to me what you did. This is fabulous and not too much unlike the conversations my wife and I have where we argue. What I mean is that it is usually because we are talking about two different things but do not realize it until it causes an issue.
Great pacing there…