“Is there something you want to tell me?” Dr Bernadette asked. I stood at the window with my back to her; I would never lie on the couch.
“There’s a storm coming,” I said to the glass.
“Peggy?” she tried to get my attention.
“We’d better batten down the hatches, go to ground, take cover. Whatever it is people do.”
“Have you managed to discuss things with your mother?”
“There’s no point.”
“Peggy.” She made the word sound like I had committed a mortal sin. Maybe I had.
“She’ll find out soon enough.” I stroked my still-flat belly. “In about eight months,” I said, turning back to the window to hide my tears.
***
This piece of writing was for the 100 word (or so) prompt for Madison Woods’ #Fridayfictioneers. I’d be very happy to receive comments and constructive criticism. Click here to read other people’s.
I really like this…you built up the story quiet well and it was not the end I expected…very well done. Mine is here
http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/where-are-you-friday-fictioneers-831/
Glad you didn’t expect that ending. Thanks for visiting
I liked that phrase ‘whatever people do’. It struck just the right note of detachment for the main character here, and spoke volumes. An intriguing piece.
Thanks for your comments. I did see her as detached from her situation and her therapist.
“We’d better batten down the hatches, go to ground, take cover. Whatever it is people do.” Good analogy for the prospective mother’s first thoughts on how to handle the coming “storm” in her life.
Glad you liked it. Thanks for your comments
Good job of conveying the situation in a few words. I am, however, left wondering exactly what she’s hiding from her mother. It surely isn’t the simple fact of her pregnancy, unless her mother is far away, because it’s going to be obvious to anyone who sees her in much less than eight months. Maybe she’s hiding the identity of the father?
Very astute. It definitely isn’t the pregnancy that she’s hiding from her mother. And yes, it will be the identity of the father, which might become apparent when the baby is born. Thanks for your comments.
Is the storm the world-changing arrival of a baby or the conflict with the mother? Interesting ambiguity. I like how they talk past each other in a way.
I think people often speak like that – over each other and no answering questions. Thanks for your comments.
You used the storm analogy/metaphor with aplomb! I hope she and her mother can weather it. Excellent.
Thanks for your comments and visiting
Built up the suspense, kept me wondering why she was there, then left me with the heartbreak of her immediate future. Poor girl. Well done.
Thanks for visiting and your comments
Love the analogy of the coming storm. No doubt there will be one.
Thanks Rochelle. I think it’s a storm she won’t be able to avoid
very nice, I would read more of this tale, it was packed with emotion and tension to explode. it almost takes me 100 words to say I liked it.
That’s a very nice thing to say. Hopefully you will be able to read more.. when I finish the book.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish in just 100 words. Nice job! A surprise ending that is neither overwrought nor overwritten. Beautiful!
Thanks for commenting and visiting Paul
That was a really unexpected end!
I’m pleased you didn’t see it coming. Thanks for visiting
I loved the subtle warp and woof of the fabric of your story. Perfect for the prompt and perfect for the moment. One of my favorites so far.
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/satisfaction-brought-them-back/
Thanks Doug. That’s a real compliment – since I always love your writing. I’ll come and read yours shortly.
A very well written story, poignant and a good metaphoric take on the prompt. Mine is here and linked: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/friday-fictioneers-harmattan-rain/
Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for visiting. I’ll take a read of yours.
Great analogy, and i love the image of speaking to the glass. As you say, there’s a storm coming for sure.
I’m over here – http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/friday-fiction-white-pegasi/
Thanks for commenting. I’ll take a look at yours shortly
I expected the story to end like a thousand other stories of this type that I’ve read, but then you went and did something… well… different! And different is good. Check that, different is great! Left me wanting more!
Here is my effort. http://jhardyb.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/friday-fictioneers-wrath/
Thanks John. I’m pleased you wanted to read on. It is part of a longer piece, so maybe, one day, you can.
This is lovely, Claire, so much captured in so few words. I didn’t complete a story this week, but can always make time to check out your entry!
Aw, thanks Trudy. Thanks for taking the time to visit and comment.
Profound and insightful. I like the symbolic and literal uses of “storm coming.” Not sure if I understood correctly, but I took it as though she had just had an abortion, and was about to face a storm of rebuke from her mother, and a storm of guilt from her own conscience.
http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/fallout-copyright-2012-ilyan-kei-lavanway/
Thanks for your comments. Actually, the girl is pregnant and her mother doesn’t know. Of course she’ll find out sooner than eight months, when her bump starts to show, but for other reasons, mostly about who the father could be, there is a ‘storm coming’.