I told them I saw her, under the water, hair swaying, eyes blinking. They brought the horse and cart, and Lewin stood on the back with a pitchfork, stabbing the lake, while all the village watched. It made me laugh, to see how they believed my joke. But the nag reared up and Lewin fell. There was screaming but no one jumped in to save him. We was all too afeared.
After that they wouldn’t use the water. Not even warmed. There was terrible thirst and then hunger. They ate the nag. Soon I think, they will eat me too.
*
This is a Friday Fictioneer story, inspired by the picture above, this week provided by Roger Bultot. FF is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, who posts a picture online every week, and writer around the world write a 100-word story inspired by it. Click here to read stories by other writers, or here to join in.
*
Click here to read a bit more about me and my books.
A great tale of nemesis. The tragedy of uintended consequences
Thanks Neil. I had to go and look up nemesis used in that way. I didn’t realise it could mean downfall as well as enemy. A new thing learned today!
Beautifully told – love that voice. Sounds like the premise to a Hardy novel, how a small action can tumble out of control, spelling disaster for all. Gorgeous
Thanks so much Lynn. It was fun to write.
Could turn into a full blown victorian tragedy this one. Lovely read 🙂
I’m thinking even earlier – Middle Ages. But I might write a bit more and see where it goes.
I would definitely look forward to reading the results 🙂
Someone has halloween on the mind! Really spooky. Nice work.
Thanks! I didn’t think of that, but you’re probably right.
That place sounds so desolate. Couldn’t they all leave for someplace else? Nice one, Claire.
You’d have thought so. I’m not sure why they didn’t.
Then there would have been no tale to be told. Only a footnote in the census.
Dear Claire,
I can’t help but think of the line from “Dark of the Moon”: Shore is a night for witches to fly. Atmospheric piece that sent shivers down my spine. Well done as always.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. I don’t know that – I’ll go and look it up.
I was confused at first by the nag rearing up and thought that perhaps it was a horse and not a woman in the water. A scary piece, sometimes superstition itself is more scary than the consequences. Well done.
Oh, it is a horse! Perhaps I should make that clearer. Hmm. So interesting when other people read something that you think is clear. Thanks Sandra.
Oh dear! It was unfortunate for him that nobody came to help him, like he came to help the girl!
Nice try. I like the historical fiction slant too.
Thanks Madison.
That should say… Nice story! I apologise on behalf of autocorrect!
That first image is chilling. I found myself thinking of a scene in the classic movie Night of the Hunter where Shelly Winters in drowned in her car. The camera does a long underwater pan of her sitting behind the wheel, hair billowing out in the current. It was a stunning shot. Well done.
Oh yes, I know that film. And thanks for your comments – I’m glad you liked it.
Terrific story, dark and creepy. The last sentence is a nailer!
And since everyone is doing film reminiscences, I’ll throw in Witchfinder General.
Thanks! And I don’t know that film either. I’ll add it to my list!
That back-fired quite spectacularly. Lovely sense of place and time.
It did, didn’t it! Thanks Iain.
That didn’t end well. I think it’s time to move.
This makes me think of old witch stories and the girl will be ostracized from the community and branded or something. Very effective piece.
Thanks – that’s the kind of thing I was going for.
Your story does have that Medieval tone to it. Superstitions leave to some rather tragic consequences at times.
Thanks Christine.
This is dark tale had tragedy on so many levels. Nicely written, I could see the scene perfectly.
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
Ah, well. Everyone else came up with movies and I came up with the BeeGees.
Good story, Claire. Lots of atmosphere and darkness and twists.
Thank you! (Not sure where you see the BeeGees though!)
You have to like old music, I think. “I started a joke which started the whole world crying.”
This has all the makings of a myth. Maybe this is how myths are made, with a joke that comes true 🙂
Oh, yes, I like that. Thanks.
That might teach her for crying wolf. I enjoyed this story.
Hmm, yes, or she might be eaten before she learns that lesson!
Wonderfully descriptive and delightfully dark. Excellent Claire
Click to read my FriFic!
Thanks so much Keith
Mmmmm I saw a horror moment too. Great story Claire. She’d better watch her back
Thanks Laurie. And yes, she’d better.
What a tale of tragedy unfolding!
I know! I couldn’t help myself.
Ohhhh, that was a vicious little tale…perfect for halloween. 🙂
I know, even though that wasn’t planned.
Like Sandra, I thought it was a woman in the water. It was very atmospheric and I loved the voice.
It was a woman. I think Sandra was confused between the woman and the ‘nag’ – the horse attached to the cart. But I’ve rewritten to hopefully make it clearer. Glad you liked it!
I have a soft spot for stories about unintended consequences, and this story hit the spot square on. My only question is why she was too scared to go ito the water to save him, if she knew it was a joke?
That’s a good point. There just wasn’t enough room for that explanation in 100 words. But I’m working on expanding the story.
I often have that same problem; 100 words feels like it’s much more than twice as hard to do compared to 175 or 200.
Lewin stood on the back with a pitchfork, stabbing the lake I found this line particularly disturbing. What if she were still alive and got punctured with all those tines? Then things got even worse! Well done, Claire.
Yes! But I think Lewin and the villagers think she’s an evil thing in the lake. He’s not trying to save her.
Sorry! Sometimes I can be awfully dense. I see that now.
The Donner Party. That’s what this said to me. Very much so.
Ooh yes. I see what you mean (the last line).
Serves him right! He who digs a pit…
A little harsh, but I know where you’re coming from.
Exactly!😊
That’s interesting. I seem to have read this differently from the others who commented. I read the narrator as male, and thought that the rumour he’d spread was of some creature like a mermaid. Full of superstitious dread, the villagers go to try and deal with the menace (hence the pitchfork), and in doing so they create their own myth. For what could have caused the nag to rear if there was nothing in the water to frighten her?
Superstition is a terrible thing, and we still suffer from it even today.
Well, that’s exactly how I intended it – I don’t specify the narrator’s gender so that’s up to you. And yes, a mermaid or some kind of water-witch.
Oooooo, spooky. Perfect for Halloween 🙂
Thank you!
Oh heavens, this was aesthetically beautifult to read! The simplicity of the end communicates so much more emotion than you’d expect for a one-liner. Gosh, bless me with the ability to hit the right notes without an array of glorified synonyms. xx
Thank you so much. I’m pleased you liked it.
Pleasure, love xx
Moral of the story: Lie and you die.
Exactly!
ApprecIable work😇 .
See some of my blogs as well hope you will like them 😊
Thank you
😇
Hayy
Very interesting piece of writing!
Thank you!
My goodness…
Nice shoots…You make me curious to read the whole story
Thanks!
I really love your work….. Especially the water one 👏
Thank you!
The picture is beautiful.
https://lyricalviews.wordpress.com
Poems that will touch your heart
Loved reading the post
Thank you!
Pingback: Flash Fiction: Water — Claire Fuller | PSU ECONOMICS
Nice work
Great post of unintended consequences and feelings of guilt. Depending on consequences and what this person really did to let happen a bad thing it can be really traumatic. Here the consequences were the worst that can happen.But actually the person did not intend bad things and did not force to happen.
Thanks Anie. Glad you liked it.
on the other side, why telling bullshit to others? …mendacious world!…or no one has any more sense for the perception of others? … a Renaiccance of Babylone!
Your piece on “Water” startled me and then made me curious. What else were they fearing enough to devour? Keep flashing.
Thanks. Glad you liked it.
Nice work..Love your writing…
If you want to see some fashion post please visit
https://fashionandlifestylehacks.com/
Thank you!
The fact he was jabbing with a pitchfork didn’t make me sad for him to end up in there!
Nice and creepy!
I know. That pitchfork thing just came to me.
😁
Amazing how do you get inspirations
Thank you! These pieces of flash fiction are inspired by the photo.
I found this short tale to kind of funny in a way that you should be careful about what you joke about. That it has consequences. The detail really inspired my imagination. There wasn’t too much or too little. Very nice.
Exactly! Thanks Kat, glad you liked it.
This is so beautifully written and I definitely want more! <3
Thank you!
Anytime! <3
Short, precise. Don’t tempt the water. You might get eaten.
The imagery explains its lesson very well.
Thank you!
Beautiful story and a fantastic photo😍
Thank you!
I think we can all take a different meaning from this one.. I started thinking about What Lies Beneath almost immediately! Thanks for the share.
Indeed we can! I haven’t read that.
Really nice work!!
What a fun project! Love your story, love flash fiction.
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it!
Very nicely described
Thank you!
You’re welcome.
Really nice picture! 🙌🏻👏🏼
An excellent work ! Loved the short fiction story 🙂
Recently started blogging, would love if you, such a wonderful author, could have a look :
https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/82869244/posts/1862209602
Really still interesting after that long time. As I read it again, I think the horse must have seen her… the narrator did not say that she did not exist, perhaps he just made a joke, that he saw her… or what he told about her…. maybe he did not joke at all and said Te true but want it to be a joke after what happens….we do not know what happened to her. The narrator is of course depressed, and of course at least one pawn sacrifice….we should keep this story in mind for our behavior to other people!
Thanks Anie. All interesting thoughts.
Well this mean, you made a good story, because you made up a really defined story but open in all direction… you do not judge nor value… and as I read this story, I thought I could be any of these characters there… just a matter of point of view.